bus

i am... -defiantly and obstinately myself -caring -mature -insightful -completely hopeless when it comes to relationships and other social interaction -frequently stunned by the realisation that I've somehow managed to become who I wanted to be when I was in high school, apart from the whole interpe...

I am really, really, really hoping whatever my gyno nurse 'needs to talk about' is not as bad as she made it sound on my answerphone. I just can't deal with another thing.

Because when I crossed the line, I said it had to end. And it's ended.

I haven't had sex in over 2 years. It makes me feel worthless and unloved. At first I said "If, in 2 more months..." and then"If, in a year..." and every time the date flows by and I feel like I've failed again. And now I think "If, when I reah the 5 year mark..." and I'm beginning to think I might ...

I hope one day I'll meet a man who thinks I'm worth as much as I think I am. Until then, I'll just fucking wait, thank you very much.

Because I said I never would again, and I meant it.

Because after last time I said I never would again. And I meant it.

I hope one day someone will want to cuddle up to watch a movie, and snuggle up with me to sleep.

Right now one of my best friends is in his room right next to mine, sleeping all cuddled up to his friend who just happens to be seriously in love with him. I know he's leadng him on and I know the situation probably sucks for both of them. I don't *like* either of them, I just wish I could take eit...

With my history of depression, every time I get PMS I'm terrified it's all coming back... only to have it all go away after a week or so. I had hoped the emotional rollercoaster would go away when I recovered, and I feel like my body is betraying me every month. Another part of me somehow misses the...

I don't think I'll ever find a man to love me.

i dont understand how you can not see what you did wrong. i know that we are very different people and that you like to talk things over with people, while i prefer privacy. but you knew me, and i don't understand how, knowing me, you justified telling that many people about our (ok, my) problem. yo...

it works for me, but only once i can be bothered going out.
for me, when i really push myself, i can concentrate on the pain of that the same way i concentrate on SI.

part of me is waiting for him to go overseas so i can be free. part of me is waiting for him to go overseas so i can fuck his mates. part of me is wishing hed break up with me. part of me feels like i love him, part of me feels like i cant get far enough away. i like being with him, but im getting s...

you are allowed to notice my cuts. fuck, i wish you would say something! i know youve seen and i know you know i still do it sometimes, just sometimes, because i need to and because i dont understand what all the fuss is really about. i just wish youd say something so i could tell you that. and i wi...

GET OUT! i thought you were gone, i thought i didnt have to deal with you ever again except at family things and that was ok, i could deal with that, btu what i cant deal with is you being friends with my friends, being around always, i want to run away and cry every time i see you. i thought you we...

im sad because i still feel lonely even though i know everyone is there

im happy because i think me and simon will last a long time.

do i love your best friend more than i love you?
god, i hope not.

im just talking to t_k on msn and she wanted me to post this saying she can't get on to bus... it wont let her access the site at all. i have an image of the message she receives here:


so what do ya think?

thanks a million deb
much appreciated