bus

Don't let me down

I am denying that I feel fear and anticipation and hope and impending doom. I DO NOT FEEL THEM. Nope. Not me.

I don't care. I don't care. I couldn't give a damn. Doesn't matter at all. ONly a week left anyway. If he says no, it's fine. If he doesn't respond, it's also just fine. It does not matter. I DO NOT CARE. But please respond favourably. I'm sorry it was an email. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY. Unless it's...

Why didn't I say something earlier? Why didn't YOU say something earlier?

Only a blasted week! Might have ruined it all. Go out with me regardless? You are too cute to pass up.

I feel like I'm breaking.

My birthday is coming up soon. I hope more people remember than did last year (i.e. not many at all).

I am about an hour away from driving myself mad. If I let myself think of you for a tad too long or imagine the wrong things, I am going to go mad. I'm trying to hard to keep myself from getting too infatuated with the idea of you. But, do come visit? Or let me see you before bloody Christmas for fu...

Please let this happen. Please?

I want to see you.

All I ever do lately is hang out with my mum and dad. If I want to mix it up a little, my aunt will come along. Never anybody my age, really. Why am I always so blasted antisocial? But you know what? When my mum and dad die, I'll at least be able to look back and say that I spent loads of time with ...

Oh and it really doesn't help that my dream last night was of particularly excellent lesbian sex with you.

fuck you

Sometimes I really hate being lonely. Other times I could NOT give a flying shit.

You've forgotten me, haven't you? I've been initiating contact all year-- you promise to call but do you ever? No. You seem so happy in your new life and I'm the facet that doesn't fit anymore. And you. You forgot me, too. Since when did "I'll call you tomorrow afternoon" turn into "I'll call you ne...

My loneliness would lessen if I grew some balls (metaphorically) and contacted people.

I know. I'm more sorry than I'll ever acknowledge. Though it hurts to know that if you could say one thing to me, that is the subject you'd bring up. Was I nothing more to you? Well, I am done. If that is the only thing you can think of, then it's not worth having you in my life. I've moved past it ...

FUCK. You said....

I don't want a rejection. Don't wait to prove how cool you are and how much it doesn't matter to you. I hate to admit this but it matters to me. I don't mean to create a worry because I will never need you ever again if I can help it. It's just... companionship. Friendship. A mouth to kiss. That's i...

FML. Seriously, just FML.

A: Please call. Or text. Or something. Don't make me make the first move. By Wednesday...

D: Fuck you, okay? That was the most BULLSHIT excuse I have ever heard ever. I haven't asked you yet and if things keep up, I won't bother. Where do I fit into your life, eh?

FINE! You don't want me there. I get it.

You know... I wanted to get you something really special for your birthday. I'd give it to you while we were up there. ON your birthday, Mom. But, it appears that the best gift I can give you for your birthday is FOR ME TO NOT FUCKING BE THERE AT ALL!!!