bus

I posted this on Main, too, but since it deals primarily with coping, I thought I'd put it here, too. ;) I've realised that listening to solo piano music (just piano music, not piano with guitar or strings) really, really calms me and relaxes me. If I'm feeling like hurting myself, it all but vanish...

I wish... :redstar: I wasn't hungry. :star: I wish I didn't have to eat at all. :ylwstar: I wish I were thin and beautiful. :grnstar: I wish life wasn't so complicated. :bluestar: I wish work didn't leave me so physically hurt and exhausted. :purpstar: I wish he'd answer his damned fucking phone. :r...

Right now, I am feeling... :redstar: Frustrated. :star: Hungry. :ylwstar: Worried. :grnstar: Annoyed. :bluestar: Tired. :purpstar: Un-pretty. :redstar: Angry. :star: Concerned. :ylwstar: Guilty. :grnstar: Apprehensive. :bluestar: In physical pain from a sore back. :purpstar: Unimportant. :redstar: I...

I'm proud of myself today because: :redstar: I woke up on time and didn't re-set the alarm. :star: I made myself go to work, even though I wanted to call in sick. :ylwstar: I ate most of my lunch that I packed, even though I wanted to eat nothing. :grnstar: I didn't yell at a very rude customer. :bl...

Because I'm scared my fiancé will leave me if I do. And because I don't want to lose almost two years of "progress", because if I throw away all those months, I'll feel SU because of it.

Okay, I'm going to try to answer all of the questions: Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I feel like hurting myself because I feel lonely and depressed. I'm at this point because I'm sad and angry with myself and I'm all alone and I'm crying and I just want to b...

Spoof,

That's good that you thought through the reasons why you might let things slide. It's a very good step. And I'm very proud of you for not cutting. It can be very tempting, and you're very strong to overcome the urge.

Hugs,
Cat

Spoof, Wow. I can really relate to the feelings you have of worrying that you're just pretending to be an adult. The lack of control (whether percieved or actual) can be extremely scary and triggering. I admire you for doing the responsible thing and taking care of the debt problem instead of cuttin...

JoAnna, I think it's a wise idea of yours to wait a bit until you've distanced yourself from the slip. I'm proud of you for realising that slipping a note into your purse right now might bring you feelings of wanting to SI. I can relate to the stresses of school. When I was in high school, I tried t...

Deb, Prayer is a good idea, and it's supposed to work (in theory), but when I try it for too long, or when I'm too upset, I find my mind wandering to other things. The silence and stillness gives me an opportunity to think about SI or the stress. I love your idea about framing it. I'm going to try e...

JoAnna, I understand how something small can trigger feelings of helplessness. I cannot tolerate unfairness; it's one of my biggest triggers. I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to tell you well done for answering the questions. I like your idea of the pen. I don't really carry a purse beca...

Ed, When your mother says that I'm lazy, I feel hurt and insulted because I do help out around the house; it's just in little ways that she doesn't notice. When your parents count how many bowls of cereal I eat, I feel embarrassed and insecure. I feel like it's not even safe to eat in "my own" kitch...

JoAnna, Thank you for replying. I've tried coping with the urges by typing things on BUS. It's a good system for me, because I can point my fiancé to my post later, if I want. If he comes home tonight, and I can't find the words to express how I'm feeling, I can show him these posts and that way he ...

I'm posting this today, although this entire week has been one long urge for me. Wednesday night, I broke down and grabbed the bottle of red food dye and a paint brush, and painted "stripes" on my left wrist, to try to help me cope. I think it worked. I kept them on there until Saturday morning. One...

Last time I wanted to SI, I didn't because I ate chocolate instead. It distracted me, especially because I had to actually make it on the stove with unsweetened cocoa, margarine, sugar, and milk over the stove. *Smiles happileh.*

Huggles,
Cat

I thought of how far I've come, and how I am a new person now. I am someone who does not need to cut. I do not need to cut to express myself. I can use words. Words are powerful. I do not need to use blood. I will be okay. I went to visit my fiancé at work, and brought him dinner, and I expressed my...

I am trying to not SI right now. I am listening to loud, angry music, and talking to a friend online, because I am worth more than SI. I have other ways to express my anger. I don't need to cut.

~A fragile Cat~

Last time I wanted to SI, I didn't because... :redstar: I am a beautiful person, and I don't deserve to hurt. :star: I have many people who love me and want me to be healthy. :ylwstar: I have made a committment to stay Cut-Free. :grnstar: I have gone so long (13 weeks as of tomorrow) without cutting...