bus

Sam: you didn't let me down. I let you down...and i let myself down. Don't blame my downfall on yourself. It was all me...and it will always be my fault. Brian: i love you....you're so amazing...i'm sorry if i break down...and i'm sorry you'll have to see it. But thank you for nagging...it makes me ...

i wish i had my best friend back.....


i wish i was more willing to fight these urges...but it all seems hopeless now....

i wish i could stop my heart from breaking everytime i look at her...cause i know that i gave up our chance together......even if it was to keep her safe.

i promised myself i'd make it to my 5 month mark.

and i will.

Daniel: ....why do i still love you?.......please please contact me...i'm scrambling for support....and you were there for so long....... :oops: Sam: ...i don't know how long its going to take you........but i know i won't be able to make it.......i'm sorry you feel this way..and i'm sorry your so f...

((comments welcome -- pm))


....sometimes i wish i could abuse laxitives.....but i can't, cause that would land my ass in the hospital for surgery faster than i could blink....

i want them to see what i'm doing to myself....but i don't want to stop...

i want someone to hold me close and never let me go...to just let me cry and cry....and to tell me they love me and that it all will be okay...


*SA*



i still blame myself for being molested.....

Nick: *real life hug* the band: *real life hug* Sam: ....gee...thanks for the message....so something i needed to hear!...by the way....that twinkie that hit you in the back of the head?...it was rachel. Wade: i swear to god you lay a hand on her ever again and i will stab you in the middle of fucki...

sam: "i'm sorry. i knew it was going to hurt you...i shouldn't have reacted like i did...i love you."

Daniel: "hey! got your message. i'm doing good, the band is doing awesome! I'm sorry for how things turned out. i hope we can still be friends. try and call me."

Nick: "i'm coming to see you. *hug*"

really really urgy...

like i'm going to lose it all...

my chest hurts really bad...but i won't let myself cry....

because i'm trying so hard to not do it in real life...cause then i know i'll lose it all... *sits on bathroom floor and cries, rocking back and forth* :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry...

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!

daniel: i still love you and i hate it. you hurt me more than any other time...you fucked up royally and you can't return from this! ....i wish i could call you.....but i won't...i wish you had internet so you would return my message.....but you don't.... Sam: i love you more than anything...i alway...

cold...

sad...

yayy for my brothers b-day

.....i want to cry...

bus people of course. as well as my friend nick (whom i dragged over to bus as well)... me and him help each other all the time the best we're able. We kept each other sane during school....and he's the reason i'm still alive. i love that boy. ..me and sam kind of talk about it. i tell him about whe...

a long, very hot shower...with hot cocoa afterwards. *smile*

I wish i didn't feel like i've failed myself by eating...

I wish i could see sam right now....i need a hug....

....i wish.......i wish i didn't still love him.....

pm's are good... Even though i know it wasn't my fault...i still feel like it was when i was sa'ed the first time. My cousin molested me... :oops: :oops: :oops: i was too young to know what was going on....all i knew was that it wasn't right..... i was molested by a stranger when i was 10/11 ...i w...

numb...

i want to slip back into my ed...

i ran out of meds...and i can feel it.