bus

1. Black backdrop with random splatters of red and grey. Handprints in white paint going up the walls around the window. Feeling very trapped and frustrated at the moment.

2. Light shades of blue with wispy layers of white.

3. Definately the second.

P: I'm very proud of you. You're an incredible person and I know you're going to make it out there when you go to college. You have nothing to worry about. M: I know I wasn't the best mother to you and often put my needs above yours, but I'm willing to be here for you now and give you your space. I ...

:purpstar: My camera (and tons of film): It's been the most effective distraction and communication tool I've had in terms of coping with SI. :purpstar: My therapist :D He saved my life and has been my best friend. Just being around him is comforting to me. :purpstar: My cat: No one else lets me gra...

P - Thanks for being so incredibly cool and supportive. Thanks for shelling out over $600 for my cat's hospital bills. That was going above and beyond what anyone else would have done for me. Thanks for getting me through some really rough times and putting up with me. I'll miss you next year. Mom -...

Out of control
Like a disappointment
Drained, tired
Unhealthy
Frustrated
Like a burden

I don't think a person's wardrobe should have to depend on their coping methods. I'm comfortable with my scars so I don't go through any effort to hide them (unless I'm with family because it makes them uncomfortable and I'd rather respect their feelings towards it). If I had any recent cuts I would...

I feel like a goddamn failure. Incompetent at life. Totally miserable, discouraged, fearful and unsupported.

Taken a deep breath and called my T, or sat down and watched Finding Nemo.

Bored
Lonely
Scared
Tired
Depressed
Weak
Worried
Sick

I don't WANT to go to college! I'm too young, I've just started making friends, all these people finally mean something to me and I have to leave them now. I want to stay with P and J and all those other awesome people. I can't even handle filling out stupid college forms and getting them out on tim...

Terrified
Reluctant
Hopeless
Futureless
Worthless
Like this last week of high school is fucking pointless.
Old
Lonely
Misunderstood

Stressed out...tired, hungry, overwelmed, afraid, nauseated.

I want to fucking castrate you with the same blades I used to hurt myself with.

I wish you never touched me
I wish I was thin
I wish I felt in control
I wish I could just be happy

I'm so much better than you. And I'm so much stronger now than I used to be. I'll never be a victim again. Even though you literally tortured me as a result of it I'm the person I am today. And I like who I am. You have no control over me. I am in control.

Making wishes on dandelion puffs
Cats chasing their tails
Scented candles
Stripey socks
Warm cups of tea
Sea urchin stress balls
Grass between my toes
Hot showers
Arts & crafts stores

I wish I had L back I wish P would have respected my privacy, given me some dignity I wish I never trusted S I wish I was pretty I wish I didn't have to graduate I wish I knew what I'm doing after high school I wish it didn't hurt so much I wish I could sleep at night I wish I could forget all those...

T - I respect your boundaries and I won't continue to push you because I see how much it's hurting you. You can talk about it when you're ready to, I'm just concerned about your health.

S - I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you.

M & GM - You call me fat my entire life make it into your big issue, like you feel all bad and helpless. Now I'm finally starting to look good and you have to try and get all involved. I won't admit to you that I have an ED, but why the fuck does it matter? All you care about is me not being fat. Th...

T - Yes, I do have some sort of eating disorder, are you fucking happy? I don't want to deal with it now. I don't care if it's another form of hurting myself. I need something and...I'm scared to death that I don't have control over this. But I'm not ready to get better yet. Stop bringing up that I ...