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Things are getting better....I'm just starting to learn what I can and cannot tak to her about. It causes us both less grief. She still doesn't know I slipped, though. I don't feel right telling her that. But, my therapist knows. To me, that's who should know--before my mom.

--Mandy

I feel dissociated and numb most of the time, so I know how you feel.

I can't really offer any advice, because I've just learned to live with it. It sucks, I know, but....*sigh*

*HUGS* I'm here if you need me

--Mandy

Its true, though...I just wrote that in my therapy journal this morning. If I have to hold things in too long I DO explode, and for me that's dangerous b/c I never know how it's going to come out.

That's one of the reasons why I hate in when they say "Fake it 'til you make it" in a 12 Step programme I'm in....I quit faking a long time ago. Thanks you for your support. It's been a long time since anyone's called me "brave"....I'm like Piglet that way.."It's so very hard to be brave when you ar...

My mom triggered me the other night, and I cut b/c of it. Tonight, she triggered me (mildly) again, and I didn't. (I'm hypomanic right now, so I've noticed that I rarely cut during that period. Whatever works.) Anyhow, I've been thinking alot about denial and hiding, and how I don't want to deny thi...

Things are better (of course, I'm mildly manic, so that could have something to do with it). I think that, in a sense, that my mother DOES realise thatmy problems are real, but she only knows how to cope by invalidation and denial (that's where I learned it from)...she does it to herself all the tim...

I've spent so much of my life "hiding" ("Put on a happy face; act like everything is okay, even if it isn't" was something I learned very early on in my life), that I'm sick of doing it. When I was 24, and FINALLY went into psychiatric treatment (which pissed my parents off ROYALLY, btw), I decided ...

I'm really not readyto give up SI-ing, either and I feel alot of guilt about it, b/c I know how much pain it causes the people around me (or so they tell me), but it's all I know. "This is the only life I've ever known..." --"After the Glitter Fades", Stevie Nicks. This makes total sense to me. SI a...

For a while, I was doing really well at identifying my triggers, and avoiding them if I needed to. And for the longest time my mother WAS NOT a trigger to me, and it hurts to realise that she is now--for some reason, that I think I know. It's because she has a resentment against me b/c I'm dealing w...