bus

I don't want to give up SI either. Without it I'll be deprived of my most effective coping method, and I don't know what I'd do then. People do say it's bad, it's pretty stigmatized, but I can only imagine that my situation would be worse without SI. I guess I can't give you any advice, since I'm so...

I wish I had the courage/apathy or whatever to show my scars in public and not worry about long sleeves anymore. They're not even that "severe", so I don't know what I'm so scared of. I guess it's people's reactions, like if they see them and ask me about it. I'd be at a loss for words. But to hell ...

I find that journal-writing really helps. Lets me rant in words what I can't scream. If it's not too late at night playing music helps too. The melancholy angsty piano pieces by Chopin (which I mangle with my incompetency) comfort me. Or I try working on guitar, which I've only just started to learn...

It's amazing isn't it how you can just SI at school, and no one will notice. You can do it in class and nobody'd bat an eyelash. God they're so blind. I used to do it in school too but I stopped.

BR - I love you. I fucking love you. Wish you weren't dead. HSA - Sorry for never having met you even once. Don't worry about the demented half-sister you never even knew you had. Walk, read, learn to fly, never let jealousy consume you. R - You don't know what you've done for me. I wish I could tel...

Actually, last time it was only because I couldn't find the instruments I use. I think I would have, if only I could sneak into my room to get them, but my mom was sleeping in there, and she's a light sleeper.

- mangos
- crying smilies (oxymoron! but hey, they make me laugh)
- seeing rainbows in random places (pride!)
- books
- pics of pensive Louis
- sad-eyed pics of Frodo/Sam
- purple-haired people
- rain
- hearing cellos...*spasm*

BR - God, I love you. I fucking love you.

AM - It's okay, everything's okay. I support you anyway.

- I wish I wasn't failing chemistry - I wish I were a hobbit - I wish pomegranates could be in season year-round - I wish I were a wood-elf - I wish I weren't allergic to cats - I wish I didn't have to go swimming anymore - I wish for no more long sleeves - I wish I had better eyesight - I wish she ...

Maybe. But I find when I practice piano/violin that I sometimes get even angrier at myself for not being able to express through my music. Stupid, yes I know, but you know what that can lead to...