bus

I wish I could concentrate on work
I wish I was a better swimmer
I wish I was thinner
I wish J would tell me that he is staying in Cardiff and wants to be with me.

T, H, J, E, Mum, Dad and C - OK, I am taking back control of my life. It is almost exactly a year since I lost the plot completely, I can't undo it but I can learn from it. I am going to behave like a person I can like again. I don't want hysteria, depression, random sex and heartbreak for everyone ...

I go over and over what I want to say to someone when I need to talk to them and then end up forgetting it so I tend to either write e-mails (only if it's not the kind of thing the recipient is likely to circulate!) or letters that I can give to someone (maybe even stay around while they read it or ...

Because I don't want to make new scars, because everytime it gets worse and that scares me, because HE is not worth damaging myself over.

J - I want to be over you but I can't be. I want to be with you so much even though you have treated me like crap. You made me feel so used and awful on Saturday night, stop saying how angry you are at yourself for letting yourself do that and make it up to me. Give me one happy month before you lea...

J - I'm sorry. I've treated you badly, I'd like to talk you. Would you like to come round this evening? I care about you and I'd like to spend some time with you, when are you free?

I agree with both mallies suggestions above. I find that different things help when there are different things making me want to cut. Sometimes drawing how I am feeling helps (usually if I am depressed) otherwise excersise is the only reliable thing that actually gets rid of the urge for me (althoug...

The only thing that can stop my SI urges a lot of the time is excersise. It is only when I am excersing every day that I have a chance of not SI'ing. Swimming is good (and keeps me worrying about marks etc which helps stop me) but I love the gym too. I can work out until I'm exhausted, if I really n...

I am a very tactile person (although i still tend to buy things as cheaply as possible :roll:) I have a lovely snuggly duvet and I like soft 'strokeable' clothes (suede, velvet, brushed cotton, fleece etc). I am now starting to try to change my priorites when I spend money and spend less on things l...

I wish I could let myself be happy
I wish I could concentrate
I wish I could let people get close
I wish J wanted me

From J - I asked to see you because I really like you. I want more than just sex from you, I don't want to see you because you are an easy lay, I want to see you because you are interesting, intelligent and attractive. I enjoy your conversation, I want to get to know you better, if we get involved i...

J - I want to be with you, I want so much for you to come over and see me but I can't get into this. I care more for you that you do for me, I will hurt so much when you leave in 2 months. I want you to fall for me, to understand me, to see how much I hurt and take care of me but you will never do t...

Can I get to the chat when I'm using a Mac? The first option you mention says that 'The Server can not be found' and I can't download the program from MIRC because the only programs there seem to be for windows.

Thanks

Koru

Because people on BUS sat wih me for a bit and then I went to the gym and worked out and one of my housemates was in when I got home.

Because I have to get changed in front of people to dive tommorrow and to swim and becuase I am not going to let stupid guy issues push me into SI.

I want to cry.

Why can't I cry? I guess I know it won't solve anything and I'm out of tears.

T - I know you want to help but the closer you get the more I push you away, even if I was 'OK' I'm not sure I could ever cope with someone so 24/7, I need space to just be me. I'm sorry for hurting you but if you loved me as much as you say you would want me to be happy more than you want me to be ...

From T - I'm happy now, I understand you need your own space and I'll be OK without you. From H - I enjoy just being friends, I don't want anything more from you. From D - I'm sorry I screwed with you head, I know I treated you like crap I took advantage of you, please can we be friends, I'd like to...

Great idea, I think if I felt like doing it I'd have to go ahead and post it though then it would make me smile when I got it too

Cat

I wish I could make the people I care about happy
I wish I knew what the right thing to do was
I wish the counselling service cared enough to let me see someone
I wish Tom and Hugh were happy.
I wish Jon and Dan wanted to see me.
I wish Claire would talk to me.
I wish my sister knew she was well.

Jon - Stop messing with my head, if you want to meet me, tell me and TURN UP, if you don't want to, tell me that. Stop texting me, letting me reply then ignoring it. Grow up. I can do without your crap on top of everything else in my life. I wish you cared about me but you don't. Tom - I'm sorry, I'...