bus

What is your secret? my pdoc is the only person keeping me alive right now. Why is it a secret? because im so utterly and completely alone. What are your feelings about this secret? it hurts. fuck. all the people out there, and none of them in... here. except someone that i have to pay to care. Why...

ashamed.
im a freak.


scared.
weak.


sad.
hurt.


angry.
fucking pissed.

i never call you when im sober.

i hate that i need you so much. but i do. and i'm petrified that you'll leave me. please never leave me.

hi jae... please don't forget that these scars are permanent. i recently visited a dermatologist about mine. to reduce the visibility of the newer scars, she told me that i could use mederma. but for the older scars, there wasn't much that could be done. i'm going to have to live with my scars for t...

sometimes i forget about my scars... and then i realize that their there, and i am so ashamed all over again. i wear long sleeves all year round. my family knows, because i can't hide them all the time, but i know it breaks my mom's heart everytime she sees. i wish i could just be "normal" and not h...

i am... feeling filthy and used. having flashbacks. triggered. urgy. cold. i am not... being validated. being protected. safe. warm. i feel... worried. upset. wanting to si. overwhelmed my mind is worn out i need a rest i want... friends. i have no friends my ttdoc and pdoc to get along. to be norma...

:star: have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yeah, for the most part. they won't stop bleeding though :star: what had happened just before? i wrote in my journal, i drank 4 beers, i listened to tori amos. :star: what were you thinking and feeling? very depr...

because i have a contract with my tdoc and pdoc that i will call them before si. i didn't really have a choice. it's either this or ip. BUT IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAAAAARD. I WANT TO CUT SOOOOOOOO BAD! :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :argggh: :ar...

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yup. all bandaged up. what had happened just before? my mom was accusing me of things that i'd never do. it hurt me a lot that she would say things like that about me... i've never done anything of the sort... and am h...

emotionally, mentally, physically wiped out. i'm too depressed to si. is this supposed to be a good thing?