bus

didnt cancel the appt with the new tdoc. still on to see her thursday. here we go again.

on the edge
like i'm failing
rejected again
i cant keep up
exhausted

Beck Lost Cause Your sorry eyes; they cut through bone They make it hard to leave you alone Leave you here wearing your wounds Waving your guns at somebody new Baby you're lost Baby you're lost Baby you're a lost cause There's too many people you used to know They see you coming they see you go They...

ignored
worthless
triggered
alone

thank you silent_end...

this put a lot of what i learned in therapy and dbt in one concise list.

hate myself. hate hate hate hate hate.
abandoned.
sad.
pissed off.
triggered.
fat, ugly.
alone.
urgy.
scarred.

im worried that i'll always be alone. i'm worried that i'll always be a child. i'm 30 fucking years old, but i'm certainly not an adult. this isn't being an adult. i'm worried that new tdoc will hate me, i hate me. i'm worried that i'll never again find the same safety and comfort like i have with p...

i'm worried about switching to this new tdoc. i dont want to stop seeing my pdoc for therapy. what if she isnt understanding about si? what if she's the type that sets rules and says i have to stop... and i cant see her if i si. or i have to sign a contract. when that's happened in the past with oth...

i dont want to have to leave... please dont make me go. this is the only place i feel safe. the only place i've ever felt safe. you are the only person i have ever trusted, the only person i ever thought was good. the only truly kind and compassionate person i have ever met. now you are leaving me t...

you. just have no fucking clue - it's NONE of your goddamn business what i talk about in thearpy. NONE> i odnt give a flying fuck if iyour his secretary or his wife. butt the hell out. you have NO right to know anythinga bout me. and dont even TRY to talk to me about it. fuck off bitch. and to tell ...

hot damn, i have so wanted to answer that question like so.

hope you're well ghoulie. rock on, my guitar hero....

this cannot change.
you promised you would not abandon me.
but you are. you can't do this to me.
you're all i have.

god. it already has.

things are different now than when your aunt was growing up. like Porcelain_Doll said some people only have to wear braces at night, or other problem might be solved in a totally different ways with today's medicine (like physical therapy) than your aunt's problem was. you never know, unless a docto...

been nauseous all day. slept with a 45 yr old co-worker that i dont even LIKE 6 days ago. i'm so fucked up. cant take a test until 4 days before my period, whenever the fuck that is, but i know right now is too early. cant take my anti-anxiety meds if i am pregnant. so i'm freaking the hell out and ...

Before: Before You Self-Harm write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself: how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? same situation. but some relief from the anxiety. and some punishment that i so deserve. what will hurting myself bring to the situa...

holy frick this'll be grand. i am... a dbt reject. no, for real. holy fuck, even my dbt coach won't return my calls. quite sought after by alcoholics, crack heads, unemployed potheads, married men and 45 yr olds. transparent. he knows that i f'd with her head. he knows i took her down. i dont know h...

TECH SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

I NEEED TECH SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TECH SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TECH SUPPPORRRRRTTTTTT!!!!!! GODDAMN IT COME HERE AND FIX ME!

typing shit here doesn't do goddamn crap for me right now. i need to break shit. everytime i scream and blow up and bang shit my landlord heres me and thinks i'm a fucking mental patient. FUCK IT ALL. i cant DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE. i thought i had seen the worst. just give it to me already. what are y...

crazy
guilty

scared.

missing him.

so confused

insanity

HATE HATE HATE THEM ALL
wanna start over.

TECH SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm grateful for my pdoc... for always staying by my side no matter what. for saving my life. for showing me how to live. how i want to live.