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Some people SI as a way of communicating what they are feeling. I know it can be a trigger to see wounds, but there is more than meets the eye with these guys. I would bet there are people telling them that what they are doing is wrong and insulting them for it. If it were only approval from their p...

I might be in the same situation. I would always get in trouble if I seemed upset at the 'wrong' times or for the 'wrong' reasons. So I became unable to cry if it was for my own unhappiness at something because it was almost always deemed inappropriate for me to be unhappy. But it was okay to cry wh...

Meditation often helps people cope with various challenges. So I thought I’d try writing some sitting instructions. These instructions are based on what I taught newcomers at my Zen group, but I tried to take the religious aspects out of it and concentrate only on the sitting itself. In the end it i...

If he thinks that you stopped because of him, because s.i. would make you feel guilty for hurting him, he might be under the impression that guilt trips are a good tool for getting you to do stuff or not do stuff. I suggest you make it clear to him that you will stop for your own sake and let him kn...

I went to a therapist for a while, but never once mentioned my s.i. It was at my university’s medical center. I had heard stories that made me very reluctant to tell about my s.i. to someone who works for my university. Along with that it felt odd to be going on about myself. Maybe because being the...

Sometimes all we can do is acknowledge that their pain is real. If everyone had someone to that for them, there would be a lot less s.i. in the world.

Sometimes counting the days can become a stressor in itself. Maybe this is a bad analogy, but how in Zen meditation they count breaths to help them concentrate - if you find you've lost concentration, you start back at one and if you make it to 10 start back at one, but thinking 'wow, I made it" whe...

I suggest devoting a certain amount of time each day to the healthy coping strategy of your choice. Maybe writing, drawing, meditation, or singing helps you. You could devote an hour or so each day to this sort of activity. I've found that the more you express yourself in healthy ways, the less freq...