bus

PM's & Comments ok.

I fuck him just so I can pretend he loves me, if only for an hour.
I let him touch me just because it makes me think he cares.
I get jealous of certain girls, because he always seems so much happier when they're with us.

<small>I'm so numb right now, I want to end it all.</small>

: :: ::: :::: ::::: :::: ::: :: : : :: ::: :::: ::::: :::: ::: :: : I'm scared I'll never be able to say no to him. I'm afraid to love anyone. I'm never afraid that I'll cut too deep, because maybe one day I'll slip and end it all. I'm tempted to down a bottle of pills just to see what happens to me...

Good idea for a post. Erm.. :star: Kisses :star: Floridian winters :star: That awesome song you haven't heard in ages pops up on your random list :star: Driving with your friends and singing along to the radio in sync :star: Getting a new CD :star: Warm hugs in cold weather :star: Cushy hoodie hugs ...

Has anyone ever had a "blackout cut"? The other night, I just remember hysterically crying, then searching for a razor, throwing a bottle of pills across the room because I couldn't get the cap open, then falling asleep. That's it. I woke up the next morning with some cuts on my arm that I didn't re...

She is an LPN, and she has a license to push pills. She takes care of sick old people, and Atavan is what she dopes them up with, which is practically all she's doing to me. I don't exactly need a therapist, per se, but she dosen't understand SI. She won't. She won't open her mind and just let me ex...

Let's see. I haven't been here in a while. On July 26, 2005, my mother found out I was cutting. She freaked. She had me on the floor, pinned, and pulled my shorts to show my grandmother to the point where my grandmother was crying. I had stopped about a week prior because of the shape my legs were i...

Mel: Thank you for your advice.. I know there are more healthier ways to deal with my stress, but a part of me kinda uses the unhealthy methods as a punishment for letting the stress get to me in the first place and cause that anxiety. I used to be able to control my anxiety so well and lately I've ...

Okay...hello all, it's been a bit since my last post but I'm hoping everyone is doing well...or as well as well can get...remember, you are all in my heart. I have a new boyfriend. I dumped the unsupportive threatenting one (see http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=1485055#1485055 , you might ha...

Mallie: I explained. I don't really have any way to get out of my house when things get rough, and my dad isn't much of an option. None of my friends live that close, and rides there and back are a bitch to find until I get my license in August. Tamrick: I do that. He told me if I ever wanted to cut...

Spencer: The last time we talked about it was about two nights ago, I believe, and that was when he told me about the more than 5 and fatal area thing. Mallie: I think they're manipulative also, but I also don't think he truly understands why I cut. He has before, but not recently, and he still SM's...

It's been so long since I was on here last..I've missed the support BUS used to give me. I have a question about what to do. My boyfriend of about 2 months now knows about my cutting. I've only cut once since dating him. I was doing really well before I started dating him and continued to do well. I...

Today is my 28th day without SIing, and it's been a lot easier as the days go by and the number gets higher. I have my moments of where I want to, but I've kept to my promise of a month straight. I am 4 days away from my 1-month. I sometimes tell myself that in the morning because it prepares me for...

Wow, I do the same thing.

I don't have any recommendations, though, sorry.

I also decided to stop for myself, and mostly because I was really getting sick of the constant paranoia and having SI on my mind 24/7. Actually, I'm not really 100% happy I've gone two weeks without it because I have my days where I really...really want to do it. I don't know if he's worth knowing ...

There's someone in my life that I care more about than anyone, and he is one of the main reasons I decided to stop SIing. But lately, he's been running various guilt trips on me that I believe (if continued) will lead me to resume SIing. He acts happy that I've gone 2 weeks without it, but then does...

Lately I've been really sick, and my biggest fear was going to see a doctor, since that would probably have meant the discovery of my SI. I never want to have to feel that paranoia again, so I've decided to make a bigger effort to stop than I ever have before. Does anyone have any suggestions that c...

I can completely relate to this. A lot of the times I SI, It's just because I'm numb. I don't feel any emotion whatsoever, and I just need to feel something, anything, to remind me I'm still alive. The others' suggestions were really good. The only thing that ever worked for me was just going straig...

I wish I had enough in me to get rid of mine. Kudos to you.

I can completely relate with you there. I love my scars also. People may think that a person shouldn't, but for some reason, I find them just beautiful. I can remember when each one was created and why, and they tell a story. You are not a freak, and I would care if you died, because I can see that ...

I shake too. I usually do sometimes before SI, but sometimes after as well. I don't know what causes it really, but for me it's usually just a lot of tension emotionally.

Sorry I have no advice.