bus

like hell.

:bluestar: i wish i could be myself :bluestar: i wish i didnt have to fit the mold, just to keep people happy enough that i dont feel completely worthless :bluestar: i wish i knew what certain people think of me :bluestar: i wish that these mental walls i have, were never built.. or at least werent ...

dazed.
confused.
unwanted.
unloved.
worthless.
stupid.
numb.
ashamed.

like there is a want, but i cant figure out what it is

:bluestar: pm's fine :bluestar: :bluestar: I watched the "Dirty Little Secret" music video.. and I connected with more than 4 of the secrets. :bluestar:I think I am afraid to be happy, because when one gets to happy, something bad happens. :bluestar:I want someone to catch me when I fall :bluestar:I...

like hell

pathetic.
worthless.
invisable.
and a feeling that i've looked in the entire dictionary for a word to describe it.. and i cant find it..

like i've fallen down 4 flights of stairs on my ass. ouch! ^Yea.. Stranded. Alone. Empty. Confused. Unwanted. Selfish. Unintelligent.. Like I fell down 6 flights of stairs on my ass.. and down two on my head. And yet thanks to Mama, Papa, and :-) Ryan (hehe).. I feel on some level.. loved.

:bluestar: I wish that i was prettier :bluestar: I wish that you knew how i felt. :bluestar: I wish that i was loved. :bluestar: I wish that you would listen. :bluestar: I wish everything would be okay. :bluestar: I wish that i was happier. :bluestar: I wish that you understood. :bluestar: I wish my...

S- You fucking whore.. i hate you.. you suck.. you need not fucking put me down all the time.. i know you get your kicks that way.. but just go to hell. R- I love you.. yet I dont know how to tell you.. T- I friggin' love you! <-- thanks for the "anchorman" moments they make me laugh. V- You are the...

wheee! Go Poya!



I'm proud of myself that even though my day was hell (with the exception of lunch).. I grasped onto that one good thing then and made it though the entire day without harming myself.

tired.
confused.
unloved by the majority.
yet loved by like 2.
worthless.
waste of space.
empty.
alone.
unwanted.
blank.
lost.
disappointed in me.
like i've fallen down 4 flights of stairs on my ass.

disappointed in myself.
confused.
alone.
empty.
closed off.
scared.
worried.


and yet strangely..

Loved.

empty.
worthless.
alone.
scared.
unloved.
unwanted.
confused.
blank.
disappointed in myself.

confused,
unloved,
tired,
trapped,
lost,
alone,
unworthy,
completely empty.

^ to the tears I cannot cry, since I seem to forgotten how to.. Virtual tears are better than none though..

dani

all i need to hear is this simple statement:


I love you no matter what.. Nothing can or will ever change that.

i dont know how much longer i can fight the urges..

I have alcohol.. i have drugs.. i have tools.. but i dont want to use them.. but maybe if i did.. people would notice something..

i appear happy and i feel happy.. but im feeling something slip..