bus

sigh. i did try with this, but i don't know whether it worked as a distraction or a tool of perpetuation. i did try, though.
ah well!

# have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. to be honest, from hitting shit, this is just pathetic. # what had happened just before? above # what were you thinking and feeling? above # why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was the...

# Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? dont know whether should have split up with him should do it punishment for being weak and messing around, talking myself into decisions nothing feels bad enough, i am not taking it hard enough, it should be and is worse than ...

i am so lonely.
i can feel my desperation, watch it clawing for someone to have for me. i can see myself scrambling desperately after anyone, to do anything, to have something to take me up and take my time and thoughts and fear and sadnesses and push them back again.

i am so, so lonely.

i understand why you dumped me. even if it was a little your fault, it was essentially mine. and now that i can blame it on myself, i know what to do. and i won't chase you.

thanks, panda. ** si trigs. ** i am going through a lot of this again, so i will go through what i wrote before and add what i am understanding now. i also realise as i write this, that i sound exactly like the front i am putting on constantly - i am writing in character. i am calm, capable and copi...

angry at being hopeful
full of urges.
mentally quite tired
very worried
apprehensive

i feel a bit of a fraud writing this, because i know that i am not using it for its proper purpose. i know i will cut; but i know also that i am cutting as a replacement for talking, so this is an attempt at taking a first step towards opening up. i also realise as i write this, that i sound exactly...

I have used SI just to get to feeling normal. I understand this, and your remark about obsessing. You sound like you have already identified the emotions that you need to get rid of to feel "normal" - can you identify the state of mind you are in when you feel "normal"? Perhaps understanding the ch...

hi, mab and plantt. thank you very much for taking the time to reply. i do agree with what you said, mab, about feeling like i needed to SI because it'd been a while and i'd lose validity otherwise. but i think it was more than that, because i didn't really have anything else to help me explain or e...

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes, sort of. as much as is possible in this humidity and dirt - i'm being careful. what had happened just before? i had gone home half an hour early, with this in mind. i had worked hard all day finishing a report. i ...

yes! me! me! pick me!

tired, seasick and angry.

thanks. i'm sorry for being a poo about this. and thank you for all your suggestions. and yes, passingcloud, people here do speak english, but unfortunately it's Indi-glish, mostly... the college students I've met are cool, too, but they have a very different mentality to english ones. i'm getting t...

in a lot of pain from my joints.
tired.
sad, although its not that big a deal, its made me sad.
pain pain pain

angry, with myself.
lonely.
worried about kit having cheated on me, or not wanting to be with me.
tired and bored.
wanting to find the escape that i thought i'd get here.
wanting recognition but not deserving it.

i'm sorry, plantt, and everyone else. i've just gone on one of my down periods. i'm sorry for demanding stuff. i just want a concrete solution. which aint gonna happen, so i'll cope in the way i know. i suppose i just dont feel appreciated or useful here, if anywhere. i dont know.

hey all, thanks for the help. for clarification, i'm working in Delhi on an environmental magazine. I'm in the office from 10-6, Mon-Sat, so exploration is limited... I've decided I'm leaving a week early, so I get to travel, so in two months I'll have some time off. I know I'm not going to be an en...

hey all. i'm currently in India on an internship. things are... well, i'm on a downward slope, for some reasons and just because. i'm here for another two and a half months, i don't want to cut because i don't have anything to do it with and i dont want to get diseases and die here. i suppose i was ...