bus

I'm proud for once in my life I am starting to understand through therapy, that maybe I'm not to blame for all the abuse, and it's the abuser's fault...

I couldn't handle the memories when they came out, so I just stuffed them back inside...so now I just have different symptoms...I don't know which is better?

I'm tired of fighting...I'm tired of feeling...so I stopped...I just fake it with you and isn't that what you deserve?

bad
depressed
no good
like hiding
overwhelmed
can't cope right now
feel alone
helpless

I am not weird, there is not something wrong with me.. I am not bad...I AM GOOD!! I AM GOOD!! I AM GOOD!!!

I went to my T's appt even though I was afraid to go and talked about some difficult stuff, and when I got home started to do my homework even though it was hard for me to do and still is...on going stuff...

depressed and hopeless and I don't want to feel this way!
add=frustration!

I feel scared to see my T this morning, I will go anyway, I will push myself, I will try and get help.

anxious, nervous, scared!

I played the 15 min more game until it was time for bed and took my sleep meds and went to sleep.

depressed
want to get fixed
messed up
want to isolate, but know that's not good
wish more people could understand

I heard about this couple that I don't know, that came home one day to their home completely destroyed by a fire, all they had was there clothes on their backs. My friend that told me about it said the lady needed clothes and told me her size, so I looked in my closet and found 2 well stuffed boxes ...

~Why did you spring that on me all of a sudden on me like that. You knew way in advance....you could have told me weeks in advance, instead you told me only gave me a few days to prepare...did you forget about my abandonment problems??? I know they aren't as bad as before, but I still have them...I ...

tired
depressed
scared
anxious
unsure
afraid
glad
overwhelmed
hopeful

physically ill
tired
down
exhausted
overwhelmed
sad
lonely
fat
depressed
bored
weak
victimized
scared
afraid
anxious

sad
down
depressed
anxious
afraid
tired
sleepy
cold
lonely
helpless
bored
discouraged
scared
trapped

sore head
tired
very terrified
sick to my stomach with fear
loving my new CD(Andrew Lloyd Webber!)
glad I can eat
sad about sleep

tired
tired
tired

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