bus

I am an alcoholic, but I have been sober for 92 days as of today (3/11/07). One thing that I have noticed is that my cutting got worse when I decided to get sober. I don't know why this is, but that is how is was for me.

~Emily

My room right now would be painted with that chalkboard paint. Do you know what I am talking about? It this paint that makes a wall turn into a chalkboard. I would spend all day, everyday, in my room, sitting on the floor, waiting for something to come to me to write. This is the story of my life ri...

Everyone tells me that I am smart and good looking and caring. I don't know if I believe them though. On a good day, I believe them. On a bad day, I don't. On a good day, I view myself as creative, pretty, intelligent, and a good listener. On a bad day, I view myself as ugly, stupid, slow, and weak....

Are you ashamed of your scars :uhhh: Kind of. I look at my scars as reminders. I still cut, but there was a time, not long ago, that I had quit for four months. During that time, I would look at my scars and remember what I used to do, and remind myself why I quit. But yes, I am kind of ashamed of t...

Thanks. I ended up getting out of the house. I felt that I was safe enough to drive, so I went and picked up a friend of mine, and we went to the park to swing. It was nice cuz I could focus on her problems instead of mine for a little while. Maybe I'll take that bath tomorrow, but the lotion sounds...

Okay. I am fighting a really bad urge right now. I don't know what else to do. I can't think of anything that could have caused this other than the fact that I didn't cut all weekend (which is really good for me). I've done everything I can think of to break the urge but it won't go away. I'm afraid...

spacey
scared
tired
spacey, mainly

Thanks for all the replies, balletomane. I really appreciate them. :star: What other ways can you release your frustration? crying would help, but I don't cry much. Physical activity would also help. :star: What other activities would give you a temporary reprieve from your emotional pain? Journalli...

:star: have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes, i have :star: what had happened just before? my mom said that i wasn't trying to get better. :star: what were you thinking and feeling? I was thinking..... I dunno I was feeling angry, frustrated, and upset....

have you thought about what SI accomplishes for you?
SI helps me get through tough times.

does it interrupt emotional pain?
Yes.

does it help you release frustration?
Yes.

I don't know any other coping mechanisms that work for me. And if I talk to my mom she will say I am pulling a guilt trip on her. Does that make sense?


Emily

:star: Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? My mom is pushing every button she knows how to push. :star: Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yes, I have been here before. I dealt with it by hurting myself. I felt like I gave...

I have a website, that I have been working on in my time at the house. It has helped to some extent. But I still want to hurt myself.

Emily

I'm not allowed to go anywhere right now. That's one of the ways she is controlling me.

Emily

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? My mom is controlling my every move, and making life utterly miserable for me. I feel like hurting myself because I know nothing better to do to gain control over my life. Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it?...

I would lose whatever trust I have gained from my pdoc, T, family and friends
I would lose whatever trust I have gained in myself
It hurts my family and friends
It would hurt my boyfriend
I would have to start counting days all over again

Emily

Other than picking off all the dermabond, I am doing fine now. I manic and really getting tired of it though. The dermabond started itching and I had to get it off. Right now, I am holding the cut together with butterfly closures. They are working pretty well, considering the severity of the wound. ...

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes I have. went to the ER and everything. they put dermabond (basically superglue) on one of them. what had happened just before? my mom was being a major pain in the ass. my sister is moving and my mom said that she ...

I was feeling out of control because there was no reason for the urges, I think. It's hard to place the feeling with a reason. I just know that everything felt like it was falling down around me. Does that make any sense?

Emily

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes i have what had happened just before? Nothing, that's what makes me feel so bad. Nothing happened. I have had really bad urges for the past couple of days and I don't know why. I have just been struggling with this...