bus

i am... disgusting, hideous, worthless, a waste of space i am not... deserving, talented, skilled in any way i feel... worthless, guilty, empty, sad, exhausted, like giving up i want... to be done . . . with everything, to give up, to stop being obsessed about my weight, to stop feeling so goddammed...

coping is . . . HARD!!

hey, I'm not sure what to say . . . your letter was full of emotion, and letter-writing, even without giving the letter to the person, can be very therapeutic, can release some of the hurt, anger, or sadness . . . So I guess I just wanted to let you know that I read. And I'm sorry you are hurting. T...

Hey, It isn't just you, that happens to me all the time. I'm the kind of person that can only really think clearly when I'm on my own, and reflecting on something, and I get all tangled up when I'm actually face to face with anyone and can't think of what needs to be said. Let's see, the way I'd rem...

I think I would've reacted the same way you did to hear that . . . even though logically it probably isn't something to be upset about, b/c your T most certainly did not intend to belittle you in any way, I still manage to work my mind into knots interpreting what people say in a skewed way which us...

Hey, I just wanted to say that I think I know how you feel . . . I sometimes keep myself from SIing because I think about how I told my T the last session that I wouldn't do it before I saw her next time, and it'd disappoint her, etc., so the guilt sometimes stops me from SIing, but sometimes not at...

well, I took a shower -- let the water hit me for a while . . . then did the hair-pulling thing :roll: I know, not good, but it occupies me . . . then I pet my kitten for a while -- ah, to live life as a kitten, that'd be nice . . . but I didn't SI!! feeling a little less urgy now, Thanks for everyt...

thanks plantt for the reply . . . I know those things aren't exactly helpful for me to do, I guess I just need to do something self-destructive so I kind of go about ranking the lesser of the destructions, which I know is stupid :roll: . . . I've tried talking to my parents about it, but they don't ...

*Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I don't know, I feel an intense self-hatred at the moment -- I ate too much, but I hate throwing up and don't really want to do that . . . at the same time I do :-? . I feel like SI would almost be a lesser of the two 'evils' ...

* what had happened just before? I woke up too early (5am), tried to watch tv, ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich . . . then gave in * what were you thinking and feeling? I had slipped about four days before, after almost 4 weeks free, and was unsatisfied that I hadn't done enough damage -- did...

I cut 'FAT' into my thigh because I felt overwhelmingly fat and unable to do anything about it -- I struggle with weight issues and ED behaviors. I also burned 'FAT' into my lower stomach, backwards, so that I have to read it when I see myself in a mirror . . . so I don't one day think I'm okay the ...

I am . . . revolting, disgusting, worthless, pointless, a waste of space, NOTHING, a hopeless failure, a coward, weak, to blame for everything, ready to give up, stuck in a dead end I am not . . . worth the money for treatment, worth my t's time, hopeful about anything I feel . . . hopeless, worthl...

I wish I had some smidgen of hope that things will get better . . . I wish I had hope that therapy will work . . . I wish I had hope that meds. will work (or that I'll find the "right" one). . . I wish I had hope that I could one day stop obsessing about food and weight and crap that makes me feel l...

hey, I'm not sure I can give you any advice, but I did a search on the site (which you can do as well to find more stuff), and found this post: http://buslist.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=73058&highlight=covering+scars+reducing+scars (I hope that makes a link, otherwise just copy and past into url addr...

Well, I guess for stuff you make yourself, just checking the box label (ya know, where they nutrition info is? It'll say what a serving size is for that food, and how many servings per box). If that's not what you are talking about, then I'm not sure exactly what you mean . . . But I do know that Nu...

I wish I could be something other than a frickin' failure I wish I wasn't so stupid, weak, tired, unmotivated and worthless I wish I cared about my future I wish I wanted to live I wish I had the strength of mind to finish school instead of being a failure and dropping out I wish I could stop eating...

hey, um, I feel pretty much the same about all that love stuff. I have HUGE problems expressing emotions or taking other people's emotional gestures towards me. I do, however, have trust issues and an inability to let my guards down and be vulnerable, so I guess it's a little different. I don't know...

I'm so sorry it's been a rough day for you, but you showed a lot of restraint and self-control by resisting the urge, so good for you. I know how family fighting can really make you want to crawl away, and the urge to SI begins, but you have taken a major step by not cutting. Just think, maybe next ...

wow, I'm so sorry that happened. It seems like it would have been better to let you know first that he was going to do that, then you wouldn't have been caught off guard. One of my friends did a similar thing . . . it was the first time I had done anything to myself, and I had skipped all my classes...

hey, I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to let you know I read, and that I get what you are going through. I ask the same question, I've tried lots of different things that don't really work. The one thing that crosses my mind sometimes is that I am betraying my therapist ( I told her...