bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I'll feel good and be able to go on with my day. The tiredness will fade with the pain. The anxiety will release, at least some, and I'll be able to talk without stuttering. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it tak...

I feel hopeless, numb, confused, weary, inadequate.

I'm sorry to see you go, plantt.

Prox! That's great. Thank you.

I hadn't noticed that in your sig Gwylan, but I thought I remembered seeing it somewhere else. I'm glad I'm not imagining things.....or, at least, not that.

I feel....vacant, empty, lonely, almost calm, almost peaceful, resigned.

I hope one day way off in the future to play with my grandchildren.

I hope that I can use recently gained information for growth and healing.

I think I've figured out the source of "what's wrong" but I'm afraid to speak/type of it.

M: I know you'll never be what I long for you to be. That's just the way it is. I've had to accept that. I don't hate you, but I have no reason to have a relationship with you either. There's just nothing there. Shared misery isn't enough. Each time I talk to you I am reminded of what is not and the...

'tis pretty speedy down here
could be 'cuz the wind's blowin' so hard

I like it, too. Thanks!

It's been a year and a half since the move and I still wonder why you didn't care about me enough to ask. I still wonder if it's that I did something wrong or simply that you had different priorities. I still wonder if I expected too much. I know it's the whole authority figure thing, the reason why...

So, yeah. I probably need to see a therapist. I have no idea how to accomplish it. It's the childcare thing. It seems there are no good options. So, I feel stuck. And yes, there's the fear. Blah, blah, blah. I wish I knew how to talk about it. When you're quiet for long enough for me to try, it seem...

Maybe I'm just a bitch with ridiculously unrealistic expectations. Maybe I just make very stupid decisions. Maybe it's something else. The boys spent most of the day playing on the computer so why is the house trashed? You went out to work in your shop a lot. OK. That's not a bad thing, but why is t...

not just you.

betrayed deserted worthless unloved

i wish everyone would just leave me alone. i'm tired of loving you just to be hurt. i can't seem to do anything right -- i can't seem to deserve or earn your love or caring. nothing that's supposed to be natural is. i ache for your smiles only to hear how you wish i wasn't there. only to hear and se...

small
lonely
sad
like curling up in a corner

worried
guilty
anxious
shame

i have no idea what love is. no idea what it's like to be able to count on someone to be there, to love and value me no matter what. it's entirely foreign to me. how can you not get the idea that when you're betrayed, disowned by your parents your world and who you thought you were falls apart? how ...