bus

The anorexia is very loud at the moment but I followed my weight-gain meal-plan even though it makes me feel excessive & ashamed and I really want to stop now... I almost gave into it at one part but I refuse to give it any more power by playing into it. I need to become stronger than the anorexia a...

Dream wrote:I did something last night that was very difficult for me and I don't feel as ashamed as I thought I would for the way my life went.

The way your life is going is wonderful and you are perfect just as you are. I mean that 100%

I miss you Nan and Grandad - I hope you found eachother in heaven. Love you both

really hopeless

i don't cry real-tears anymore but i really feel that i want to

it just builds up and i binge/purge instead. fucking bulimia, i hate you.

weighing myself was a bad idea.

I feel like dying. I've binged two days straight and I'd just gotten down to a low ish weight again. I lied when I said I wasn't suicidal. I don't have any plans, and I don't think I could do that to my family, but I just want to disappear. I feel like disappearing by shrinking. I was in control and...

hopeless

NO I'm not okay. I'm only okay when I am empty and losing weight. I cannot deal with this I cannot deal with this I cannot deal with this. I have turned into a monster. I may never get back my control. I am not okay. This cannot be. I can't have this. I would rather die :bawl: I can't stand to be in...

i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i wan...

i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want...

i want to die

I don't care.

dearest Lily,
I miss you SO much.
I love you, I love you, I love you. I hope to hear from you again. You'll always be in my heart. You were the best friend. Hope life is treating you well your side of the world.
love always, Amy

I'm hurting so badly - it's an actual physical throbbing pain and I can't breathe.
I just said the hardest goodbye to my best friend and I can't stop crying
Will it ever stop hurting?

i'm a troubled girl. anorexia is in full swing. i look pale and spotty yet i'm losing weight so it must be okay. although it's really really not. it pretends to be the only thing keeping me sane. and then bulimia is getting ready to rear it's fucking ugly head. i can feel it. i'm in control for now ...

I feel SO anxious. I've never had anxiety like this before.
All I want to do is sleep but my heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest and I feel a bit sick.
it's... horrible!