bus

I had really bad anger issues as a child. If I banged my elbow against a doorframe accidentally, I would throw myself against it and hit it and bang myself against it a lot. It may sound silly, but I would yell out things like "Stupid chair! Stupid chair!" or whatever it was that had hurt me as I la...

ANGRY!!!!

I am so incredibly PISSED OFF at this girl in my film project group. She re-wrote her story for her film, and it is essentially the portrait of a girl who's father left the family and she gets really sad and depressed about it... AND THAT GIRL IS ME! Even though I'm not playing her onscreen, I KNOW ...

I masturbate too much.

dad,
there's nothing left of me to give. fuck off.

Everyone thinks I am very funny. It's gotten to the point where people don't take anything I say seriously anymore, because I am always joking. The truth is - humor is my method of pushing people away from me. I don't think I've really connected with someone in years. I'm so alone it makes me sick.....

All of my scars are easily hidden. That doesn't stop me from stroking them a lot - I like the way they feel. Most of the time, I'm pretty indifferent to them.

Sometimes, I see them as "battle" scars in the battle against myself.

i am... generally fake with everyone. not OK. a little chubby. undesirable. unlovable... people tend to leave me behind. failing calculus. on academic probation. i am not... obese. completely worthless. dumb. what everyone thinks I am. i feel... horrible. like i want to disappear. i want... love. lo...

Lauren - I know I'm an asshole to you, and I'm sorry. I can't help myself. It's a self-preservation thing. You were my first love, and I can't seem to get over that. That's my problem, I know. Just try to deal with me. I wish I could change it all but I can't. I can't turn back time and make things ...

Sarah - our friendship is pretty much dead. I know you keep trying to revive it, but it's just too little too late. It pains me to say it - but I don't think things will ever go back to the way they were - and it's your fault. Mom - stop relying on me so much. I can't stand you talking to me about D...

* triggers/si/su* . . . . . . . . . . . . . I've successfully decieved my therapist into thinking I'm OK - that I don't SI or even think about it anymore. I think about killing myself at least once everyday. I am 18 years old and have never kissed a boy. Mostly because I'm afraid to admit to myself ...

Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide. I'll take it by your side. Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide. I'll take it by your side. Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies. I'll take it by your side. Oversaturation curls the ski...