bus

[sorry for the allcaps, this is a lifetime of frustration all in one eruption] TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT COMES OUT OF YOUR FRAKKING MOUTH OR SHUT THE FRAK UP. FOR FRAK'S SAKE STOP FRAKKING SAYING 'THEY' EVERY TIME I CONFRONT YOU WITH WORDS YOU ACTUALLY UP AND SAID TO ME JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO. FOR...

I never pretended to know what was best for you. Good fucking gods. I never trampled on your life and told you what to do. I never assumed what you needed or wanted, you privileged pansy. I never assumed your problems could be solved by pretending they weren’t there to someone else. When I said, “I ...

I had to sign a piece of paper so they would not take me in the ambulance after the wreck in which I was a passenger and performed CPR on my abusive incestuous father until the paramedics arrived. I still got a $300 bill from the hospital for the ambulance I did NOT go in, for care I refused and did...

I just want someone I can count on who will always be on my side, someone I can talk to when my feelings get hurt who won't take the other person's side, who will reassure me that I'm loved and my feelings are respected and important. I want someone I can tell the truth about what happened and why I...

Seven for a secret, never to be told… ***TRIGGERS: SU*** I want to write it, I've written and deleted it. I'm so scared of the consequences of writing it because it's got Plan-like elements and I know that might be Bad to Read but it's getting more intense and elaborate. But I'm so sick of living li...

So sick to my stomach Afraid for the future Scared I may have messed up this latest plan for harm reduction Like I need to cry but if I start I'll never stop GRIEF more wide than all the oceans and deserts of the world lonely longing for a dog and that simple love I know how to do sick of living her...

****TRIGGERS should anyone be reading this: SA, RA, language obviously*** It's Father's Day. A wasp stung me while I was trying so hard to take care of myself, interfering and getting in my way. It reminded me of you. I am so glad you're dead, you abusive, controlling, sick, twisted, brainwashing, l...

****TRIGGERS: sex**** I don't know if I'll ever feel sexually attracted to anyone again. And I definitely don't think I'll ever feel safe enough with anyone again after everything that happened. I don't even know what my sexuality is. I'm afraid to identify as asexual in case it's just because of th...

It's summer now but I just found this and wanted to add mine: I had a heating pad underneath and an electric blanket on top of me, and I referred to it as the 'panini press.' LOTS of hot tea. OH so much hot tea. Also microwaved diet cream soda. November: National Novel Writing Month. Though not tech...

scared
uncertain
lost
alone
grieving
betrayed
nervous
hopeless
trapped

unmoored and drifting out to sea…

When I get hurt, I need one thing above all else. I need to know it's not going to happen again. It's not okay to forget I'm disabled and poor. You need to make an effort, not an excuse. I can't do all the emotional work here. It's an effort for me. Check your privilege. If you enjoy my company, you...

This just happened for me yesterday, and I remembered this thread, but couldn't come up with a plan at the time. So I decided to do it today to try to keep last night's awfulness from happening again, or at least have more options to try first. First things first :redstar: Pay enormous attention to ...

Your words and how you treated me hurt me so much and for so long. I cried and drank so much as a result of how you treated me, especially that last day. What you said to me about suicide was unforgivable. I will never, EVER forgive you for that. EVER. You hurt me so much. You sent me into such a da...

I would love it if for once in my life you couldn't see any part of any choice I was making so I could do what I want, what feels good without thinking of you or how to explain it to you. You frakking smegheads. Also: you keep using the word 'love' -- I do not think it means what you think it means....

I feel more than you deserve.

You are incapable of empathy.

I don't even pity you;

You son of a bitch.

D&J, you lie about money. You've lied to me my entire life. You deprive me of things I need and give me things I don't want and then rinse and repeat. You spend too much, freak out and then I have to pay. You justify depriving me of what I need. You withhold love and acceptance and substitute food a...

On Tumblr I look up blogs and posts tagged 'inspiration.' A lot of them show beautiful, colorful landscapes or fresh fruit, people pursuing health, and quotes and word that inspire me. Women's self-defense classes. Borrowing picture-rich travel books from the library and armchair-traveling to see hi...