bus

It's no longer an option. I'm better than that. SO much better.

I'm proud of myself today for doing something that was necessary, but incredibly difficult.
I'm proud of myself today for standing my ground.
I'm proud of myself today for demanding to be treated right.

You're wrong about me. But you'll never know that because you don't care. I know I've made mistakes and acted a damn fool and I'm sorry. But I never recognized myself when I was with you.

Pathetic. Like a giant fucking loser. I hate myself.

It was a relatively trivial situation and not worth having to be accountable to people.

My hopes for myself in 5 years.....

To be living on my own
To have a job that I enjoy and that helps others
To have my AA in Psychology
To be effectively managing my symptoms
To be happy.

I'm proud of myself today because I applied for a new job despite my anxieties and insecurities!

You. Are. Still. In. My. Head. Everywhere. I. Turn.

I don't know that I'll ever be able to look at myself the same after you.

To be honest, I REALLY wish we'd never met.....

A bit anxious, regretful, numb. Wishing I could erase myself.

I see you everywhere. Funny stories, pleasant memories. In some ways, 4 months seems like ages ago, but in some ways, it feels like just yesterday. I miss you. I wrestle with the knowledge that we're no good for each other. You haunt me. In my happiest memories also lie my deepest regrets. I just ca...

I was prescribed this as a PRN for anxiety. 50 mg knocks me out for a good 24 hours, so in that sense, yeah it works!

I've quickly fallen depressed again since stopping my medication, but as usual, I'm too proud to admit that.

I am scared to see you tomorrow after all this time.

I have a feeling I'll be walking straight into the unwelcome reality that absolutely NOTHING has changed.

Do you really think I WANT to be like this?

Lonely and desirous of meaningful interaction. Hence, BUS!

I miss you. Dearly. Every hour of every day. But I don't want you to know that. I don't want you to have any leverage. Because I know I'd just fall right back in and you would too. I'm having to be stronger now than I've had to be in quite some time. It's exhausting and painfully raw. I know this is...

You make it awful hard NOT to love you.

Stop it.

I don't....get you....you're not a bad person, you're just.....I don't know. But I'm 19 years old and no longer a victim by any means, I guess I don't have any space to complain. Nope, I really don't. But.....I don't know. Fuck. What is this?

I just wanna know.....when it started?

This is exactly what I've been talking to you about.....now kindly extract your claws and let me go. I'll be around. I'll even bake you brownies. But the more I find out about myself as my own person, the more I like this new person, and I wanna keep growing. Into ME. Just me. I can do this.

Why do you have to be so god damn negative? I'm doing a GOOD thing, I'm earning a living, I'm helping others, but leave it to you two to find some way to criticize me for it. Can't you just be proud that I'm growing up and wanting to help people? I will be FINE, I was TRAINED, and these people are H...