bus

pissed off, unreasonable, sleepy, ill.

*lang* in retrospect i think you may have been an utter passive aggressive fucking cow. so. everyone knows it is about me. blatently obvious.. you make me feel small and vile and horrible and leech off that? I don't think it was okay..and nor were some of the things you said. some of those conversat...

I moved from an EDIP place into a new town, on my own, with a houseful of new house mates (six of them). i got a full time job. and a social life. I didn't go home for a year. It ended in an alchol and drug addiction, and some very, very strange friends and terrible experiences. but I would not be m...

married. in our own house. all our own animals. maybe, maybe a baby bump. to be an author and professor. with a 1st class MA and a PHD.
*crosses fingers for fairy dust*

i am... still me. lacking in magic wands. ill, cold, tired, in a mood funk. i am not... not sure what I should do, about anything. I am not as bad as I was last week. i feel... physically terrible. strange, withdrawn, worried. anxious. loved. i want... to be able to have the life we both want. to be...

-nods- i have a laminated post-it note stuck to my mirror and fridge. (seems to sort of take the meaning out of post-it notes as its covered in plastic <shrugs>) they both say 'fat is not a feeling' on them. and i have another one saying 'you wouldn't call yourself protein' it helps to remember that...

in 5 years ill be 28. by then i hope to be planning my wedding, have my MA, have a career path and maybe considering a future at the moment C & i have planned to get engaged in the next year and married in the next 7 so it will be exciting to see where things are in 5. one small part of my head sort...

if the time thingy is right this was about 24 hours ago - how are you feeling now m'love? There must be something that you are holding onto as you did a 'before' post which can be very hard when you are in a 'I dont give a toss, i just want this to stop' mindplace. Hope you are feeling better today ...

deleted
but still, fuck off

like i cant do this anymore

I am awesome because i can make people laugh

i like this, thanks

Not okay
tired
empty
just--- not here
in short, very bpd

yuck

C&E-I love you both, more than i can ever say, for accepting me, as I am - despite everything, but I find it so hard to see why you like me. E-I love you, so much. You mean more to me than anyone, and I am so very glad that we have had the time that we have had together of late, I think it is bringi...

*Lang, slight ED, maybe* I feel bad for eating today, I am upset, I want to hurt myself. I feel exhausted, I do not want to fight anymore BUT I will carry on trying with eating, I am really trying at the moment, and it is working because i am not binge eating, loosing weight is not the goal here, no...

So pissing anxious. And i am getting sick of it. Argh.

sad. scared. small. fustrated. very very fustrated, with myself.

Tired
Urgy
Sad

yet also oddly

Content

which is....nice...