bus

Our safe place is a dock over the lake, listening to the lake and the birds. Everything else is quiet. No one is around, just us.

I've got 43 days sober today! Not as much as I've had before, but I'm proud of it!

~being able to sit and relax and not be bothered
~time with friends
~laughing
~I second COFFEE!
~and ESPRESSO!

really effin frustrated... and su thoughts... so tired of doing everything and not getting even an acknowledgement... unless i don't do something, and then of course, i get yelled at...

yep, hoping I can stay at the club long enough to go to my NA meeting, and get my keytag... my neck is already bothering me pretty bad, and my head is hurting...

thanks! chaos works, but i answer to most anything, heheh...

30 days today! It has been hard... I haven't been able to really go to AA at all for this whole month... The first day I didn't have anything was 9/9, and on the way to a speaker meeting on 9/10, where a good friend would be telling their story, I got broad-sided at an intersection... The other driv...

day one.

hoping that i can do it this time.

ya so, that last post is no longer accurate. i drank last night, crap, i don't know if i wanna stop, i kinda just want to keep going. i wanna keep drinking. i don't think i'm ready to stop just yet.

Yay Loki! I'm a little over 6 mos sober now, but struggle saying that because I still SI and indulge in disordered eating most days. I get it, but for me, I still separate the using/drinking from the "psychiatric" stuff...

yay loki. i have like 2 weeks i think.

yay loki!

i have 11 days of alcohol and si.

last time i drank and si'ed was last saturday. early morning. then went to bed. it has been a week.

i've been thinking on this for a while. i am not connecting with this sponsor very well. i have a hard time contacting her when i need to. i just don't trust her enough right now. i need someone that i trust more and faster. i don't think i could do a fifth step with her. also, that pint is gone but...

do you have a pdoc? sounds like dissociation to me too. i have a dissociative disorder, on the severe end of the spectrum. but dissociative disorders are a spectrum. only a pdoc can really say what is going on, based on how honest you are with them.

coffee

so, some background... i have always thought that drinking is better than su, and si is better than drinking. just my logic, i know it doesn't make sense. alcohol has saved me from su before. once i started drinking, i was too numb to care anymore. so for the past month, i have been feeling su and i...

6 mos sober yesterday

a little triggered

i wish these stupid urges would just go away. i wish i could just get more than a week away from it. im afraid i may have to give up my tools to be able to and i dont want to do that. im scared to do that. why am i unable to just stop? why does it have to be so hard? its just a behavior. its not lik...

I'll be using my phone's browser more often instead of Tapatalk because the app is no longer compatible with the forum til the forum is upgraded phpbb wise I think


Coffee