bus

i feel so let down right now. i know that you dont care about me as much as i do about you. which is why i would have been happy with a goodbye on monday and leave it at that. but you said we would meet up, you'd call. and you haven't. it would have been much better if you'd never said it and i'd sa...

i coped well with yesterday.
i enjoyed it, and didn't get crazy.
i feel like i have some sort of peace.

i hope you had a wonderfully fantastic day and that it was everything you wanted.
i'm really happy for you.

i text him to arrange something for friday to distract myself, so that i won't get all crazy on friday.
i did it even though i felt stupid for asking.
i'm looking after myself by mkaing plans. yay.

edit: no irl please if anyone is actually reading, which tbh i doubt cos i havent seen you around in a while What is your secret? i'm a little scared that the obsessiveness is just slowly shifting towards someone else rather than going away. Why is it a secret? because if i tell him it could ruin ou...

the little prince- antoine de saint-exupery

its the best book ever. so cute. and with a lot of wise words.
it's my comfort reading

feel better soon <3

i didn't freak out that she wasn't there. i would have done maybe last year, definitely the year before that. so even though i may not feel like it an awful lot of the time, i'm making some sort of progress. i didn't freak out. i organised people and we got stuff done. and i had fun. without her bei...

i wanna lift myself up to the sky,
serenade the stars as i pass by,
i wanna leave it all just for a while,
i'll be satellite news

i wanna lift my head above the clouds,
cut the ropes around me
and see me shine,
shine like the sun

[satellite news- feeder]

alone.
disposable.

unmotivated. *sigh*


scared.

THANKYOU

i know that the reason i hate it so much is because i don't like being told what to do by you. because i don't like you. and i know that it is because i don't want you being useful, helpful, praised. because i don't want you to be better than me at it. because i don;t want you taking her attention w...

i'm going to put this here for you.
i didn't want to do a big thing somewhere else, because i didn't really know you, so it would be kinda fake, and i don't think you'd like that.
i didn't know you well, but what i do remember is good.
i hope you've found yourself some peace now.
RIP

...i used to be the bright one sharp as a whip funny how you slip so far when teachers don't keep track of it i used to be the tight one the perfect fit funny how those compliments can make you feel so full of it i can shuffle, cut and deal but i can;t draw a hand i can't draw a lot of things, i hop...

the little girl sitting behind me on the bus last week singing about how it was going to be a happy new year and a special new year and christmas was a long time ago. i have no idea if she was singing an existing song cos i sure didn't recpgnise it, or if she was making up a song about a happy new y...

i am sad that i seem to have more difficulty coping with life now than i used to...

but...

i am happy that someone told me i was very cheerful at work today. i still have it in me. cos i wasn't faking today.
thank you, random stranger.

kate bush- rocket's tail [i heard this song for the first time today, and it describes me so perfectly right now. i was amazed.] That November night, looking up into the sky, You said, 'Hey, wish that was me up there-- It's the biggest rocket I could find, And it's holding the night in its arms If ...

how could you go and defend him? that makes me sick.
i wanted to hit you last night. seriously.
you helped him get away with it.
and you're pleased with yourself, pleased with the result.
you must know that there was something wrong going on. you're not stupid.

how? how can you just let him off? he's just going to go and do the same fucking thing again, but it'll get worse. how can you just think we are all lying? why would we put ourselves through that awful experience, get stressed for weeks, just cos we had a grudge against him? we were telling the trut...

wtf is up with you?? you say you forgot to reply, you acknowledge i sent the bloody message and then you don't give me an answer. you confuse me. but then i guess its my own stupid fucking fault anyways for taking so long to get around to asking you. i thought you still liked me but maybe i'm wrong ...