bus

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. this is a mess. a horrible shitty mess and i hate it.

everytime i see her name, i feel a pang of guilt - like its my fault...

L - why arent you talking to me?? i miss you.... did i say the wrong thing?

i feel so guilty for treating her like dirt even though i know shes going through a tough time.. but i dont think i can just forgive her and pray for her... she hurt me so many times, i just cant do it. i think that must make me a horrible person, idk.

E - argh!!! you stupid dickhead... i know you have your own problems going on, but that doesnt mean you suddenly just block out those closest to you.. if you have a problem with her then for gods sake tell her and stop her constant paranoia.. have you any idea what she is doing to herself just cos y...

please. your the only one she listens to. stop being so stubborn and self concious! she needs your help. i would willingly say the right stuff, but she doesnt listen. wake up you stupid boy!!! she needs you, so for gods sake help her! argh!!

im sorry. to everyone. for everything.

1) i love you, i just wish i was able to help you more. but please please believe me that i honestly want the best for you 2) wow. that was a shock!! im willing to give you a chance cos your still amazing, just dont mess me up like you did last time... 3) stop being so fucking agry at everyone!!!!! ...

DONT try to guilt trip me. please.

y'know what? sometimes you really annoy me but i cant tell you that. sometimes i see what your doing and i wanna yell at you so bad. but i cant. cos to everyone else we get on fine. im quick to forgive and i always see your point of view, but maybe just listening to our advice would help instead of ...

*ED*



i hate myself because you can make yourself be sick and i cant do it properly. i hate it that your parents let you get away with so many things that my parents would flip out about... your so lucky, im almost jelous.

i realised that doing so wouldnt actually solve the problem, in fact, it wouldnt change the situation AT ALL...

C - please please please answer my emails... i cant bear the thought of you leaving me. i need you to be around. but i hate to intrude or be a burden. i wish that sometimes you would make the first move. please ask me about it tomorrow.

yay!! well done!

im proud of myself for eating properly

im sick of all the fighting and crying whenever your around. cant you see that its tearing this family apart??? i love you dearly, but i hate you at the same time. im sick of it all and i cant wait till i can move out - move out away from you.

oh my god. this cant be happening...