bus

anxious
scared
freaked out
depressed
hate self
want to escape
want to disassociate
want to be numb

I'm so afraid to go tonight, but if I don't go, I have the option, I would probably feel worse with guilt. It's a no win situation, I gonna feel bad no matter what I decide!

No one understands...

anxious
scared
hate self
can't cope
distrustful
embarrassed
depressed
hurt
angry
stressed
want to escape
urgy

hurt and hopeless of getting people to understand what I am going through - do they really care anyway, they say they do, but actions speak louder than words, I can't trust anyone! Makes me feel like hiding out in my apt more and more.

I try and I try and I try and what for, kicked in the face! Waste of time - I just want to give up!

really anxious and afraid to go to bed, it's starting so soon...

because yesterday I wanted to go to the walk-in clinic like I always do to get my migraine meds (because I don't have a doc) and the triage nurse treated me like some addict or something and sent me to emerg and I almost didn't get my meds, I had to basically prove to the doctor that I wasn't a drug...

little kids

I want to now, but I keep telling myself NO!

I feel like crying but it is hard.

hurt
used
in pain from migraine
hating have to go to emerg for meds for migraine ( I don't have a Doc)
anxious
glad
in expectation

you just sent me that email to make yourself feel better, has nothing to with me...esp. when you didn't say you were sorry. And I think that is so unfair. I wish I never opened it up. I want no part of you.

I'm trying to stop, so I keep trying to ignore the urges and do something to distract myself

I got a weird email yesterday and I don't know what to think of it. It was from an old best friend who cut of our friendship about a year and a half ago and really hurt me, sent me really mean emails and would have nothing to do with me over lies about me, she would not listen to the truth, just bel...

weird
scared
holding back emotions(bad ones)

I went out with a new friend yesterday and things went well!

And this morning I'm going somewhere where there is a big crowd and that makes me feel terrified, but I'm going to go anyway because it is important to me, even if I have to take a PRN of clonazapam.

i am... -not who I was before, and I hate who I am now, and don't know what to do i am not... -the same person i feel... -ripped off i want... -the life I wanted i need... -more people to care i have... -alot of problems right now that need solving and that's really hard i love... -My Mom i hate... ...