bus

thanks BlacKat, tried SU line once, hung up on them and and made my attempt.

i just found out i have a third diagnosis, i've called every p-doc, they all refuse to treat me, i might go to er if emergency. i go out at night at stand at a bridge and try not to jump.

thanks for the posts, all alone

no p doc will touch me, off my meds, broke, want to sh and su, f it. things can't get much worse.

all alone

10 p-docs have refused to treat me, and one was an expert on s/h. Now I'm off meds with no one to help me. I feel like I have the plague.

Alone again.

B

thanks syn and everyone else, I stayed safe. I did get a referral, but he said he isn't sure he will take me on, i won't find out until after sept 16.

p-doc dumped me today, said my sh was too severe (required surgery). called me a liability. that's code for su risk, i think. neuropsych said the same thing. just barely hanging on now, got my "kit" ready for some stuff 2nite. feel all alone. told me team i was su today, no big deal i guess. i hate ...

my p-doc said i was too much of a "liability" for her, since i had 3rd burns and needed skin grafts last month, she said she has run out of meds to try, and doesn't think anyone can help me. :( and my cbt set more boundaries, and i found out i am supposed to wear short sleeves into her ofice so she ...

had a horrible session today, they said i have to cancel my appt if i sh. I just had surgery due to sh, they were furious, and spent the hour telling me of, so i said I'm not coming in next week, due to sh, and I'll skip the week after that, just to show them. I am thinking of quitting therapy, I've...

Since the beginning of 2007 my cbt has turned against me. Last week she got pissed when I refused to commit to staying safe for a month, saying I expect her to commit to indefinite treatment.... I have some boundaries of my own now: Never admit sh to them never admit to su thoughts never, ever trust...

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It's a silent scream, for help I guess, though I'm not sure I'll reveal it to anyone. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? It would let by therapist know this isn't working. Nothing wil...

had a session today, they told me I want an open commitment that they will never terminate treatment, yet I refuse to promise to stay safe for May. Made me feel bad. They hypothisize that I am dependent on therapy, nothing could be further from the truth. I dread each appt now, and rush out as fast ...

hey, you're up! :) I'll be OK, a little handywork will help me, I tell them, it beats SU. Saw my p-doc today, doubled my meds, and told me over and over to stay safe. No one will know, though, SH is my secret now. I'll never discuss with anyone again, outside this group. saw your post, sorry you are...

all alone
depressed
empty
numb
SH urges
sleepless
hopeless

Thanks Alexa, that helped. I have no one to talk to, yes my family is busy with their own problems, my wife told me to "shut up" and called my diagnosis BS! My therapist says she exhibits symptoms of BPD herself. Having my therapy cut in half really bothers me. My primary said she would never do any...

Saw my DBT today. I also have a CBT who is my primary therapist for 6 years. Today "they" decided that they would see me together each week at the same time. One week would be CBT, while the DBT observed, and visa versa. So to me, they just cut my therapy in half, I only "process" in CBT, so I only ...

thanks everyone for the support, it meant a lot to me. Had a manic period, got way into debt, really isolating, won't speak to my family anymore, seems keeping quiet and pretending to be OK works best. Wanted to SI, but so far I'm ok. Some of the scars are fading, thinking it's about time to "freshe...

hi silent tears. Where do you live? Another country I presume. I guess i should first tell you i'm a male. i found real quickly women don't like to talk to men. My DBT told me tht 80% of female BPD's were sexually abused, and that men threaten them. That explained why the people in all my DBT groups...

thanks, in the whole world you were the only person to reply, sadly that's how it goes for me. My CBT says I am "sabatoging" by revealing "too much" she says. Down tonight. I was so excited, got my telescope all hooked up, have lots of new toys for it, but sadly it is defective right out of the box,...

thanks for that post. yes, she has the 24 hour rule imposed, never heard that one before, felt rejected, cancelled all my appts w/ her, starting back up 5/6/08. i stayed safe, was up until 3 a.m. I did look up counter transference, thanks. you're right about it. staying busy with my hobbies. and loo...

my cbt told me to try being vulnerable, so I told a close friend everything, the suicide attempts, details about SH, never heard from him again. :( My CBT said I "sabatoged" by revealing too much, that laypeople don't know how to handle this stuff. So who do I talk to? My spouse refuses to listen, h...