bus

today is 2 months si free. longest i've made it in a really really really long time. and nobody cares or realizes how very hard that was. all i want to do is si. a lot. but i can't, because i'm a stupid camp counselor. everything started making sense again and getting better and i have to go screw i...

i'm moving there to be with you, not because of the school work...my school is fine, and better than the one there, i'm not struggling...i could figure out what i wanted to do if i tried, i haven't tried. not because i like the town, honestly...i like my town better, its bigger and more fun...yes pa...

no matter how terrible or different or distant you are i will always love you, and i think you're the only person i would really be happy with.

i wish you didn't help me get over my eating disorder. i think i probably just gave up trying, but i hate myself now because i am so damn fat! i'm not one of those skinny girls that says their fat though...i used to be...now i actually am fat.

nervous
apprehensive
a little bit happy

roommate: when you scream for hours on the phone and won't go outside...i think you are really really really stupid for being so dramatic and getting upset so easily over your selfish, controlling, knows you are wrapped around his finger boyfriend that you will yell at forever but won't ever actuall...

i want to love people

"we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world to stop the bleeding" -Don Miller

i'm worried that people will see that/continue to treat me like i'm fragile and that i won't ever be strong. i'm worried i won't ever be able to love people as much as i could. i'm worried my dad will never approve of me and hate me after i tell him i'm leaving school.

detached. try to remember things i used to like and attach myself to reality again.

urgy...haven't si'ed all day. can't identify emotions...i really wish i could...so, confused maybe? the way i think things should make me feel: loosing friends because they don't care anymore: sad and angry? a little relieved that they won't bug me about si? starting a new job i think i might like o...

i told someone that i si'd today. and i am almost done with a really long and hard paper that is due tomorrow.

What is your secret? i love being miserable Why is it a secret? because it is ridiculous What are your feelings about this secret? i know it is crazy, but i can't really help it. Why are you telling this secret now? because i want to figure out why i feel that way Is this something you could change/...

What is your secret? i think i am in love with my best friend Why is it a secret? because he thinks i love him like my brother What are your feelings about this secret? nothing will ever come of it. i'm not his 'type' Why are you telling this secret now? because its been on my mind lately Is this so...

i'm scared to read through the coping section, because deep down i don't want to recover. i love being so depressed that i can't stop crying for hours. its really sick. but i know in my mind i'll be happier if i'm better, and can have normal friendships

i don't want my irl friends to have to take care of me as much as they do.

n-i am done loving you. sometimes i wish we had never met, but then i know i wouldn't be who i am today. maybe that would be better, maybe i wouldn't si so much if you hadn't taught me that i meant something and that my parents' abuse couldn't define me then ignored me and treated me like shit so mu...