bus

I know that you love me and that you're trying to help me, but you're a shit mother to confide in. You always seem to make me feel like I'm two inches tall and that I'm stupid and lazy and depend too much on other people. I fucking know this, alright? I fucking know this. Why do you think I OD'ed i...

I would rather be slow to recover with my friends at college than acting recovered at home with my family. I think it's all just because I want to see C. as much as I can before her graduates. I hope I still have a chance with him. G-d, all of this all over a boy? No, I still want to be on track to...

I didn't weigh myself today, even though I had several opportunities.

i miss you. i want you. but you probably hate me. i'm so fucking fat, and gaining weight. even though you can see my ribs if i move my shoulders back a bit or raise my arms a little and my collar bone sticks out and i'm fucking cold all the time and everybody says i'm a stick, i'm still fucking fat...

because C. told me to get better, even though he doesn't know what's wrong with me. he looked like a kicked puppy when he said it, and every time I have the urge I see his face...I can't let him, anyone else I care about, or myself down...

You all have no idea how scared I am of dying from this. Or relapsing. Or even worse, being sent back to ip...

you assholes can't control me!

i don't really believe that I'm getting any better. I don't believe that I'm really going to get better. I'm just learning how to be a better liar. and i really want to drag him down with me, because i keep thinking i see that same desperation in his eyes that i see in mine every time i look in the ...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just...just FUCK!

I can't believe you noticed me (or my absence)... I'm just totally floored by everyone's reaction. I feel like such a moron, of sorts.

But thanks for caring.

i think i could very easily fall in love with you, and that's a bit scary...

(**possible trigger?**) [words] All I want to say is this:when someone is thinking about su their thinking about all the relief they will feel afterwards. Except you can't feel anything if your not alive. G-d, that's exactly what went through my head last week when I OD'ed for the first--and last--...

ditto..... plus..... WHY THEE FUCK WON'T YOU LET ME GO BACK TO SCHOOL!??? I WAS DOING SO FUCKING WELL AND I PROMISE I WON'T FUCKING DO THIS AGAIN JUST PLEASE LET ME GO BACK! IN THE WINTER AT LEAST, LET ME COME BACK! I'LL GET BETTER FASTER! I'M HAPPIER AT SCHOOL WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? AND WHY THE FU...

Ladies and gents....What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fuck?! I'm really tired of feeling like an outsider. I'm really tired, and really stressed, and really, really, really fucking scared. Everything's just getting worse, and I'm falling apart inside, and I'm tired of holding it together but I ...

"Down" by SocialBurn Tell me, how does it feel When it comes to you And all the things you say to me You make me feel like nothing Like nothing When you break me down I'll fall apart and Wrestle with myself, inside I'm nothing And tell me, how should I feel When it comes to you And all the games you...

Yay Pelagic! :D These are some really good ideas. I'll have to try them some time... (But I feel the need to point out that those of use with EDs/food issues should NOT use food as a reward. Tea is okay, but the other stuff not so much. (Especially if you're like me and chocolate seems to be a trigg...

"Lux Aeterna" by Clint Mansell

*instrumental*


It's that song from Requiem for a Dream, the haunting one that stays with you. I think it's also on one of the LotR soundtracks, but I like this one better.

I am cold tired stressed way too idealistic I am not appreciated losing enough weight with it happy I feel scooped out and empty numb I want him a hug for this to go away I need to study to put on a sweatshirt I have two midterms to study for to get a grip on what will and will not realistically ha...

What is your secret? I'm actually attracted to girls some days, as well as guys Why is it a secret? I'm not entirely sure about my sexuality (I could just be bi-curious), but I'm different enough with my racial and religious background, I really don't need to alienate myself further, especially if ...

"Little House"-- the Fray She doesn't look, she doesn't see Opens up for nobody Figures out, she figures out Narrow line, she can't decide Everything short of suicide Never hurts, nearly works Something is scratching Its way out Something you want To forget about A part of you that'll never show You...