bus

I have a year and two months sober now. For some reason, I don't give a golly doo darn about that. I'm struggling so much with the SI that if I even HAD a desire to drink, it would take a back seat to my desire to hurt myself. And they are one and the same, really. I've discovered in the four months...

This is a great thread for me right now...my computer keeps shutting down on me, and we don't know what's wrong with it and can't afford to have it looked at right now. So online time is getting rare around here. I'm lucky I managed to coax the box to run at all today. It could shut down any second....

I'm grateful right now that I'm on the edge. That means that I haven't jumped. I can come back from the edge. Right now I'm just sitting...trying not to do what I want to do and throw away 12 days. I CAN COPE without it. I CAN. :evil: I'm grateful that I'm angry at my SI demon. It makes me stay at t...

I hope...

...for a life beyond my wildest dreams.

Which aren't so wild, really...I mean...how hard is it to have a decent job, a normal family, and a few hobbies that don't involve bodily injury? It can't be THAT hard. Millions do it everyday, right?

I hope to be millions, then.

Your reply about old jeans reminded me of another one...cut the legs off an old pair of jeans and turn the 'butt' part inside out. Thread a needle with handquilting thread, then sew up the place on the 'butt' part where you cut off the legs. Cut a strip of denim out of the cut off legs, fold it righ...

Good grief. I can't believe I didn't think of this. It's so obvious and so brilliant. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting it! You done good.

At least for me.

Why are you even here? It is obvious that you don't want to be with me. So it's some paperwork and maybe an hour in court to be rid of me. Then you could stay on the computer 24/7 without guilt. There would be no one to ignore. Do you think that I spend an hour getting ready to go, trying desperatel...

I can't believe I've been so stupid yet again. I'm pretty worthless. I don't care anymore. Take it all away. I'm irresponsible and useless.

I want my son. I need him. Why did I make that stupid agreement????

Why bother.

There are some good ideas here. I'm reading posts because I'm having a hard time and trying to avoid hurting myself again. :sigh: My emergency box (an idea from another thread) isn't working today. But you made me think of something... When I was a kid, and we didn't have any money and were bored, w...

My parents know nothing. I've been this way for 36 years. My mother might have a little suspicion...she once told me I've been slicing myself on paper since I was a toddler. I'm 39, and I just told my sister two weeks ago. She's the family secret keeper; we all go to her because she's good at it. Yo...

No, no, NO! There is NEVER a justification for SA. EVER. Don't let your head go there. If you start making excuses for what someone else did to you, the next thing you know, you'll start subconsciously taking on part of the blame for it. And it WAS NOT your fault. Adult rape victims do that a lot; t...

I would not be surprised at all if he hated me for what I did, and I wouldn't blame him in the slightest. He has every right, just as you do. You are not required to feel empathy for your abuser. Right now, you should probably be screaming in rage and venting. Later on in life, I was abused, and I d...

May... I'm so sorry this happened to you. It has colored your world for a long time. You deserve nothing but the best, but back then you got the worst. I'm looking at your situation from the other end of the spectrum. When I was a little kid, I coerced a little boy I knew about my age into an inappr...

IT WORKED!! I can't believe it! Sorry, I don't normally shout, but I have four days without an episode, and I was not feeling right yesterday. My son and I went to the art store and got a bunch of stuff for my emergency box. About 11 pm, when I couldn't take it anymore, I dragged the box out from un...

Wow. I'm glad I saw this one today. I'm having a hard time right now. My sponsor and I had a deal going for a while, and it became the longest time I ever went without cutting myself...fifteen days. I called her every day, and we'd go through the 'pain scale': how much emotional turmoil am I in toda...

Congrats, Split! Four months is super. :) I'm an alcoholic; I come by it honestly. :lol: (Long line of drunks in my family on both sides.) I have about ten months this time around the block. AA seems to be working for me. For those of you struggling with this sort of thing that don't want to try a 1...