bus

i am... a girl. a person. slightly too critical of myself. unhappy. i am not... immature. poor. perfect. hungry. i feel... sick. tired. grief. anger at myself? i want... him to like me. to have a voice again (i'm sick) my mom to be alive and well. to not be sad. i need... sunshine sunsets to write b...

hmm.. *scratches head in embarrassment*

i thought this was a place for anyone to post pozzies. i'm sorry i stole your space kaelyn! but it's such a good idea. i might start my own or just continue these in my own place.

i'll do some for yesterday since today is only half done:

my friends made cookies and we had a lot of fun decorating them

i slept for 9 hours!

i finished all my homework before midnight

i think i really like this idea. to continue, for today: :redstar: i meditated this morning, then fell asleep again, and had really restful sleep. :redstar: i'm leaving tomorrow to visit my best friend in boston :) i haven't seen her since august! :redstar: the sky was amazingly blue today

yay! i like this idea

um...

i have an amazing boyfriend who won't give up on me even when i take out my anger/depression on him

i bought lemon scented candles!

i love my stuffed panda

wow it's been forever since i posted here... i've got a little more than three hours left in my life as a minor. i'm turning 18 tomorrow, though i suppose in england i'm already 18, since it's already february 10 there. what a strange thought. *si* the last time i deliberately injured myself was Jun...

isn't it ironic that i am not understanding you until you're gone? i remember your words (that I didn't listen to), your rants, your anger, your bitterness. and i understand. or i understand a part of it now, mother. i do, i do. for how many thousands of dinners cooked are forgotten, meaningless, si...

why do you matter so much to me? why can't i just let you go? why don't you care about me... dad. i love you. even in all the things you've done wrong, all the things you've done against me and against mom and against d, and against yourself and God. i just want you to see that there's so much more ...

you make me feel worthless. you made me feel worth something, a month ago. i knew you were looking at me, don't deny it. i knew you were attracted to me. it was obvious, and whatever you say i won't believe you. you made me feel attractive again. like i wasn't just some moody chick that everyone cou...

i miss you more than i can say. i drove into the cemetery today and i thought to myself "i am visiting my mother. why am i driving into a cemetery?" you can't be in that coffin under so much earth. the grass is almost completely covering your grave. your grave? why are you in a grave? i know you're ...

why are you doing this to me? i suppose it's partly (or mostly?) my fault. i told you i didn't want a boyfriend, i told you not to get attached to me, i told you we couldn't hang out anymore. but my actions belied my words, time and again. did you notice that whenever i said i wouldn't call you, the...

*sa* *rel* Eight years ago you molested me in a park, in a puppet center with the curtains closed and the lights out. YOu cursed when she stopped you and you wouldn't look at me when I left. I was confused, and later on I was angry. I don't know who you are, and I don't know why you did what you did...

*religion* When I told you not to worry about me and that I could take care of myself, I didn’t realize what a lie I had just spoken. In fact, at the time, I had hoped to be speaking some great truth, that you, my mother, would not have to worry your mind over your daughter, as you had your own batt...

c and m: i know things are hard right now. i know you're not doing too well, but it doesn't matter because we still love you. you can get through this. d: i'm sorry i wasnt there for you. i'll do anything i can to protect you. him: i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you. i had no idae the pain it woul...

I remember having these thoughts before too... whether thinking of SI is sin and such... there are verses in the Bible that say keep your mind on things above and let each thought be captive to Christ, and things like that. there is that whole being angry at someone is just as bad as killing someone...

*si* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I don't know what to do with all the emotion in me. I can't deal with grief and stress and anger... and all sorts of things I can't even identify. Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?...

mom i love you. why isn't that enough?

*lang* what are you doing? who are you? i don't know you. i never knew you. you are just a man. you aren't my father. you aren't my father. how can you be? yo uaren't her husband. you couldn't be. you coudln't be. you don't love her. if you did, if you cared AT ALL you woudln't be doing this to us. ...

ok. i know that you're going through a lot. i know that your dad is getting remarried in february. i know your mom ,being a single mom, puts a lot of stress on your life, and that you have to work harder than i do at the SAT's, and also english. but you're better at physics, spanish, calculus... and...

i wish i could. i wish i could. i wish i could.



please