bus

Girl, I love you and I hope you know that. I don't want you to hurt for me, please don't cry for me, I'd never forgive myself. Remember our promise, love, because I remember it and I'm keeping it, and it shouldn't be hard at all, but it's pretty damn hard. I just hope it's easier for you, because I ...

I'm worried about these SU thoughts. I'm worried that I'm not okay. I'm worried I'll never be okay. I'm worried that I don't even know if I want to be okay. I'm worried that everyone will hate me no matter what I do. I'm worried that they already do. I'm worried that nobody seems to realize how not-...

Okay, shut up now. No offense. (: It's just that freaking out isn't going to make you able to play Overture. It's just going to make you want to cut. And do you really want to cut because of Orchestra? Does it really mean that much to you? It should. But if it means enough to you that you'd actually...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! death death death death death we're going to die she's going to kill us we're not ready we're not ready we're not ready!! Can't we get another couple weeks for rehearsals? Oh, god, I need to practice to death so I can play the stupid stupid stupid songs. Why can't we play our ...

bleh.
vaguely suicidal (should, want to, won't.).
slightly helpful.
tired?

i am... shit. fat. worthless. hopeless. lazy. selfish. stupid. stupid. stupid. i am not... worth your time. worth your effort. funny. pretty. interesting. nice. smart. i feel... tired. helpless. headachey. vaguely sick. urgey. sad? i want... to hurt. to bleed. to cut. to die. i need... to get over ...

Thanks for the reality check--it does take a long time and a lot of effort for things to change for the better. I was doing the "I want to be all better right now !" thing and didn't even realize it. I'm making semi-SI-awareness bracelets... I have orange and white beads and I'm putting them on elas...

Right now, I'm trying to stay away from the pills. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to flush them, that I'd just hold on to them or take them and... Well, actually, I think I'm really more afraid of losing the pills and the possibility of killing myself with them. There is a big bit of my brain that's ...

Before You Self-Harm write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself: how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I don't honestly know. I don't even know what the situation is that's making me feel this shitty. I just know that if I hurt myself, I'll f...

I hate you I hate you I hate you. I bet you hate me, too. I bet you think I'm disgusting and stupid and selfish and worthless. I bet you'd like to disown me. You always say that, don't you? When I talk back and you're already angry or stressed, it's your threat. "I'm not going to take this shit anym...

I told my dad I liked a song he was playing on the piano.
(My mom told me later that it totally made his day.)

I HATE YOU. -- I'm scared. (of him, and of me because i feel like i'm becoming him sometimes, and i swear i'll kill myself if that evereverever happens) -- Look, you moron, loving isn't something that you do 'cause you owe it to someone. You just love . You can't help it, and you can't force it, and...