bus

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [breath] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [breath breath] That was more cathartic than I thought t...

hugely anxious. sure I'm going to bomb my finals, fail classes, get yelled at by my boss, Fail at Life (TM)

I want to work this out, I didn't mean to offend you, and I recognize it was unintentional but you've hurt me and I can't just ignore your actions if you keep refusing to explain yourself. I need reassurance that you don't think this is all perfectly fine or I won't be comfortable staying friends w...

I don't care if you're bored, find a way of entertaining yourself other than pointless hour-long conversations. GO AWAY.

I haven't taken my medicine in a week. I know it's horribly stupid to do that on purpose, but I have no plans to start taking them again right away. I'm supposed to feel bad, I deserve it even; it's just the way things are.

pm's okay

I want to DIE!
And I was going to do it ... I didn't know how but I was completely determined ... and I probably would have if there'd been a way. And I still would if I thought I could.

okay. I've had it. It's not funny that I'm having trouble. I was sicker than you've ever been in your entire life. I have effing depression and I should have been in the effing hospital instead of taking the goddamn final exams. Your dad doesn't have a personality disorder; when you went home for w...

pathetic

calm, for once

stop trying to get me to fix things. I can't. you know I'm having a hard time right now and you're too selfish to back off and give me the space I need from you. goddamnit, you're my dad, you're supposed to care if I'm in pain and unable to cope, not push me toward the breaking point!

screw you. if you're my friend, act like you think I'm worth something. if you're not, just leave me alone.

flat
detached
not caring about anything
so tired
blah
lazy
can't think
worthless

I want to die. Not cuz I'm SU, just cuz I'm so tired and apathetic I don't want to put in the effort of being alive. I want to go to sleep and not wake up until Wednesday. I want to feel something other than tired and empty.

Everyone thinks I've recovered. No one knows I still hurt myself. I slip so close to the edge sometimes, and I'm terrified I'll fall back in, and I'll never be able to climb back out if I do. Yet I tell everyone I'm fine, and I'd never admit what a useless wreck I am.

I wish I could let tears out, I feel so awful today

deleted because I'm paranoid

so nervous, so afraid I've screwed up another semester before it's even begun, wishing I knew what I'll do if I can't fix this
if I screw this up I don't know if I can recover from it

I never wanted to hurt you, never wanted to see you in pain, but I can't be the person who fixes things for you, no matter what I do for you it's never enough so I might as well not do anything at all. I know you're sad, know you're hurting, wish I could make it better, but I can't, and I need to st...