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Try not to hold all those feelings in. Give yourself permission to feel sad and grieve the people you've lost. I know it is hard, but holding everything in will eventually result in those feelings being manifested in some other way. Do you have someone IRL who you can talk to about your grief?

Great job on recognizing that you will have to work through the underlying feelings and thought patterns. You've also recognized that you were replacing SI with ED. Of course, it sucks that you have to wait to get into CBT. Give your counsellor a chance. There are plenty of male therapists and couns...

Have you tried answering the "Before" and "After" questions on the Before and After forum? They may help you understand the things that trigger you. Decreasing or eliminating triggers will help decrease or eliminate SH. It can be hard for parents to understand SH because they don't want to admit tha...