bus

J: I know you know i lied about that new scar on my leg. i wasn't brave enough to tell you that i was struggling so hard with my ED that i had to cut in order to not relapse. i'm sorry. --- D: i want to come home so badly. you never expected me to be anything i'm not, or do anything i couldn't do. a...

Nervous Breakdown by Black Flag I'm about To have a nervous breakdown My head really hurts If I don't find a way out of here I'm gonna go berserk ''cause I'm crazy and I'm hurt Head on my shoulders It's going...berserk I hear the same old talk talk talk The same old lines Don't do me that today, ye...

**ed** What is your secret? i want to relapse back into my ED Why is it a secret? because i've already promised i would get help. and it scares my loved ones enough as it is just the fact that i COULD relapse. let alone that i want to. your not supposed to want something like this... What are your f...

The Distillers - The Hunger Holy eyes, I never knew I'd beg down at your feet Hold on tight I never knew I'd know much more than this Open sky, the wave of pain the scent of you is bliss Hungry eyes, they stare at me I know, I know Don't go! Summertime, the taste of saint secretes of perfume mist Co...

so so tired

but so so happy.


who'd have thought dancing your ass off would make the world feel like an amazing place?
i'm not even drunk.




feelin oh so sated.

shakey

weak

achey

like i want to cry...but can't..

despite the breakdown later

i went and got myself a manicure and got all nice and dressed up.

i felt good because of it.

:redstar: S: you almost lost me to this. i'm still not certain you won't. i've been looking at those sites again. ....i love you so much. you made me believe i was beautiful. but your not here now. and this is all i have left. :redstar: D: i'm sorry your angry at me for loving him. i'm sorry that be...

Courage by SuperChick

when i make you mad at me its because its easier for me to give in to my ed and not feel bad because you get upset when i do.
i love you. i'm sorry.

sometimes i wish i didn't feel so much responsibility and obligation towards my family and could just say "fuck all" and move back and be poor and happy and live in a crappy little apartment sharing one car and just being in love and oblivious to the world around us. i'm sorry i can't do that. i'm t...

Some days all i want to do is stay in bed and cry...i wish you could see how much i really am trying. i know its not what you expect of me...but i am trying. ----- i'm not complete when you aren't here. you keep me level, sane, and able to function throughout my day without wanting to fall into a h...

i'm scared to tell my parents that your the man i'm going to marry.
i'm afraid of them telling me i'm throwing my life away and that i'm only making more bad choices.
but i'm more afraid of not marrying you, because i know that it will be the best decision i've made so far.
i love you

a little numb. [took painkiller for migraine]

lost.
hopeful.
determined.

sad.
hurt.
wishful.

i called my best friend and sobbed over the phone to her.
she did the same back.
it worked.

i'm in a similar predicament.
i've been fighting urges and in doing so resorted to my ed for a feeling of control.

and now i'm stuck even though the urges are gone.

i am... not eating lost i am not... small enough okay strong beautiful i feel... disgusting. like i'm wandering in circles i want... to be healthy. to be strong. him. i need... help. him. i have... smashing pumpkins playing in my store. true love. an eating disorder. i love... him. myself when i'm h...

i just found this. decided to bump it.
i've noticed a few people who've been struggling, and i haven't been very well off myself.
i'm glad i found this thread, it has some stuff in it i could really use right now.

Garbage - Stupid Girl [/u] You pretend you're high You pretend you're bored You pretend you're anything Just to be adored And what you need Is what you get Don't believe in fear Don't believe in faith Don't believe in anything That you can't break You stupid girl You stupid girl All you had you was...

Be Mine Forever. ...please?

---

I realize you care for me and i know your just trying to help me get through this...but i'm so not okay right now. I don't want to get better if that means i lose him forever. i'll suffer if it means i can grow and never let him go.

---


i'm an idiot.