bus

i am afraid from myself [size=0] I am afraid that i am not going to be here much longer, i have been getting more depressed on a regular basis
and have been trying to od on pills, secretly hoping that i will die...[/size]

[size=0]I take secret od's hoping i will die, but i dont...just want to get away from it ll.[/size]

thanks hun..

i pm'ed u...

have to go to bed hun, talk to you in the morning...

it is okay, mom just yelled at me again, but i am feeling blah, try to ignore it...

i just did the secret thing, and it brought all of these emotions flooding about my es boyfriend. I fell in love with him, and he broke my heart...i know at 15, but it happened..

the only reason that i am still here is because of you. but you still dont know that i love you, it hurts me more and more every time i see you, i wish you were still mine, but you arent, i wish i could be with you for the rest of my life. you said you loved me, i believed you, a couple of weeks lat...

i am 15, going to be 16 in april. mom is still going insane, and yes i am still staying up...

thankies

yeah, it is my life literatly...

well it works for me, but yes, it has taken controll of my life. I have to constantly look for that one spot where i can si, oyu know? it had become a totla obsession..so yeah, but it works and that is all that matters. plus i like the scars, i like knowing that i know exactly wheere they are, i con...

mom is sayong i have to get off, but not sure....edited just talked to her. fucking bitch!! she just yessed at me to go to bed, cant she se that i am trying to resist the fuvking urge!? i guesss she is blind. god, now i want to rip my body to shreds, i feel like crying, but i cant ler the tears fall...

no prob, we havent done it in a LONG time. but yes, it is hard to imagine. there is a way to control it, although not so healthy, si, but you cant do it every minute...grr

ya, but for some reaon, i still feel the anxiety! is that normal, to feel it even when they are not mad at you? i guess i am just stressed and blah about certain stuff. my mom is one of them. she is unpredicable when she is made. we have had our fair share of fists fights...