bus

i am so angry with you both. how could you do this and then lie to me? haven't i always been honest? even when it was the hardest thing i've ever done? i hate you for breaking my heart.

i hate you soooo much right now. i don't care if i never see you again. i've never lied to you before, why would you think i would now? why? did i not do my best? i hate you for turning into what you've become. and for showing me what a truly nasty person i can be. i never thought it would be like t...

angry...no..furious
lonely
hurt
afraid
sorry
i'm not really liking who i'm turning into
at the same time, it feels sooo good

guilty
angry
sad
manipulated
very, very, small

\ * what had happened just before? i was pretending to watch t.v. * what were you thinking and feeling? about how bad i've screwed up and feeling very alone. * why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? i hurt myself...

i'm sorry.
thank you.
thank you for just....being there.
you don't understand, hell, i don't even understand.
but i'm sorry i hurt you and i'm sorry you can't help.
thank you.
and i'm so very sorry...

lonely.
sad.
very miserable...

i'm so angry at all of you! i want you to know that. i wish you could feel like this for just a minute and then you'd understand. you're all so spoiled and selfish and i should have to deal with it. fuck you all.

angry
self-destructive
small
confused
really angry

sick to my stomach
hurt, i think
frustrated and angry
and just plain lonely

my husband.
my brother and my sisters.
and sometimes...myself.

mine kinda know by accident. some family members told them and i really wish they hadn't. sometimes it's kinda awkward now

i am so scared that your going to wake up one day and find out that i'm not really all that wonderful and you'll leave. i'm sorry you had to find out like that. i never should have lied all those years ago. i hate that all of you are so nice to me. you should yell or scream or cry or at least do som...