bus

...because I tried out for a sport, when I normally wouldn't. And because I haven't SIed for a longer time than I thought I could make.

*SI*


I started cutting again. Not because I'm depressed, but because I want to be.

I love you so much, but I hate you at the same time. You promised you would be here for me, but you aren't. Why'd you do that??

I'm proud of myself because I've been just about 3 months SI free, I haven't been depressed in a while, I haven't had urges in a while. I also have been honest with my therapist, and I haven't been overly angry at anyone. I spoke to someone I wouldn't normally speak to, overcoming my shy-ness. I've ...

--I'm not quite ok. I don't think I can tell you, because you'd blame it on yourself. I wish I could trust you. --I almost wish I didn't love you. Why can't you be perfect? ****SI**** --I've cut twice...small cuts, but cuts all the same. I'm lying to myself and to everyone else when I say I've been...

<--- I feel like a time-bomb ready to explode.

I like mine most of the time. They're not in an obvious place, so no one has to see them. And, in fact, if people could see them, I think I'd hate them. It's odd...I'm almost proud of them...a lot more scarred than I thought would...I don't know. It's weird. The only time when I don't like them is w...

Sorry, it's long and embarassing, so I made it small. I'm sorry for saying sorry when I know I don't have to. :roll: I'm so scared that when you're gone I'm not going to be able to last. I'm not gonna be as strong, I'm not gonna be able to want to live. I'm gonna hurt myself, but there's nothing ei...