bus

i feel like im coming to the end of my tether.im hanging by a thread and it seems people (irl) are taking great delight in seeing how far they can sodding well push me.im sick to fucking death-what does anybody really do for me?fuck all,yet i dwell on it for hours if i have to let someone down and s...

S- i hate youe right now.you dont give a shit about me and never have.and now youve got this new family you think of me even less.and maybe im not angry at you maybe its me because i still fucking CARE. and i hate being such a fucking dunce.such a fucking emotional retard.i hate that im too fucking ...

very emotional
love
worry
empathy
frustrated
happy

drained
exhausted
overwhelmed

my escape is reading or just putting my mp3 player on full blast and singing at the top of my voice(poor poor neighbours )

im worried about my capabilities as a mother
im worried that now the feelngs easing,about when they come back

the phone wont stop fucking ringing
LEAVE ME ALONE!
i swear im going to throw the bloody thing at the wall......

overwhlemed
smothered
trapped

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

so i said id video something for my sister and of course the only chanel on cable thats not working is the one fucking channel i want
and i pay for this fucking pissy useless service??they should sodding well pay me grrrr

i know my drinking is getting too much.yet i dont like to be told.
someone said i was turning into my mother,the other day,and i wanted to smack them.cos im so so scared its true

but right now id take or drink anything to make this go away

scared
tired
lonely

sad
helpless
so angry
tired

alone
empty
worthless

im pathetic

his touch makes me cringe.it makes my skin crawl.makes me want to scream and run

how can you say those things to me?how can you behave the way you do towards me when you know what you do about me?dont you care or have you just forgotten.i trusted you.your the only one sometimes i catch a glimmer of the person you used to be,how caring you can be.so why dont i deserve that anymor...

scared
alone
like a child

how dare you judge me?how do you manage to judge me so silently??
your lack of words speak volumes and makes me so angry.but then you shouldnt even matter.your no better than anyone else in my life.you think your so perfect.and you are.

stupid
trapped
lonely
lost