bus

alright... i know i shall be crap @ this advice, but here goes. the fact that you know what you 'should' be doing is most definately the first step-- you know the whole 'knowing the problem is the beginning of the solution' that sort of thing... i'm sure you'll have a happy day soon. when i'm depres...

seeing someone else's name on the last post column of my place

no seriously, why does everyone leave?

pm*s requested

ugly
skanky
unloved
fucked up
lonely
scared
overwhelmed

Crawl ~ Alkaline Trio Waking up zeroed in on medicine Am I waking up at all today Seeing lights, feeling pain Theres my cure on ice I can walk but I will crawl there I will crawl there Sitting straight, feeling faint An exhausted smile screens my words But I will hear them Heres a phrase that we al...

I am a bitch, I alienate people, and I really want someone to read this and tell me they love me but no one does and the one person who seemed to care a little bit more is now not speaking to me and that is not fair because all my other friends are very nice to me & caring & shit it is my fault beca...

lonely
distant
a little apathetic

You are ignoring me & I wish I knew why. If you don't like me or something that's fine but it's not FAIR just to pretend I don't exist.

ignored
like i just said something very, very stupid

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *pounds on table, hit's head against wall*

...because I called a friend and made plans to go shopping instead of sitting around @ my mom's house online.

voicemail/txt messages waiting on the phone
postcards & letters
chocolate-coconut cupcakes
making blackberry pie all by yourself

i have not SIed for a long long time. I should be proud of myself but I can't stop looking foreward to the time when I can safely start

and what will happen if i don't need it anymore? will i simply go insane? SU? I am so sick

i also am joining this conversation a little late, but it sounds like you are being so understanding. i would love to have my mother react like you have. and i'm sure she realizes this as she is being open with you and sharing how she is feeling instead of keeping things from you and all.

talking to strangers
concerts
people named nikolai
trippy computers
buttons that say iguana micro on them

detached
worried
socially inept
embarassed
cool

I had no friends in eighth grade and i'm still finding it hard to believe that people might want to hang out with me now... but since i live in north cali and i'm kind of emo, i can easily justify wearing long sleeves... and i always wear jeans anyways and yes of course i've heard of petaluma, i liv...

language
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so fucking scared and so fucking alone I could die. impending doom is right.

because I was triggered but I did not SI

Do I have a bad personality? Is that what makes you draw away from me? Because you have. And everyone who hasn't yet will. Please tell me what I can do to change myself because thinking back on the way you were then as opposed to the way you are now makes me just want to die.