Before *ED*

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

Moderator: treasure

Post Reply
User avatar
StarChild
growing roots
growing roots
Posts: 790
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2013 2:23 am
Gender: Nonbinary (They)

Before *ED*

Post by StarChild » Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:48 am

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
  • how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
    I will feel less guilty for eating normally.
  • what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
    It will bring numbness, a relief from the pain of having eaten so much. But it will take away my control and my 2 months off cutting.
  • how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
    I want to feel victorious over all this. If I cut, I won't feel victorious at all, I'll feel like a failure.
  • if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
    It'll last maybe an hour. But I feel like I need just an hour of not feeling guilty. But after that hour, I'll be lower than ever and I might purge. I really don't want to do that, I don't want to go to the ER again.
  • what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
    I can watch Monster High webisodes (please don't judge me, I am 25 and i still love Monster High). Write in my journal. Light some incense. Smoke my e-cig. Make a cup of tea. Do some homework. Talk to friends.
  • how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
    If I wake up tomorrow and I've hurt myself, I will feel horrible and guilty and miserable, not to mention that they'll ache. If I do the things I listed above, I'll feel really proud tomorrow, because it'll be 2 months no SI.
  • what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
    My self-protective instinct wants me to not feel so miserable. I have options. I can call a hotline. I think that would be the best way to honor that instinct.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer
  • Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
    Eating like a normal person makes me feel like a fat failure. I feel incredibly fat right now. Like, I feel like I'm bursting at the seams. My ED is hell. Plus, I'm on my period and things always seem worse when that's happening.
  • Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
    I have been here before several times. Recently I've been reaching out for help, and I always feel proud of myself when I reach out instead of cutting.
  • What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
    I have been doing these questions and talking to an understanding friend (who has struggled with both SI and ED).
  • How do I feel right now?
    Weak and miserable, but determined.
  • How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
    Numb.
  • How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
    Terrible.
  • Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
    Eating can't be avoided, and PMS can't be avoided, but I can continue to reach out for help and make awful nights into small victories.
  • Do I need to hurt myself?
    No.

Clean & sober since July 14, 2012.
SI free since January 29, 2016.
Cigarette free since May 12, 2017.

"i'm falling back in love with being alive."
- Kesha, "Rainbow"

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests