Before

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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pelagic
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Before

Post by pelagic » Thu Sep 12, 2013 12:36 am

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
  • how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
    The situation... it won't change by hurting myself, it won't be improved. I don't see how it'll stop me from feeling so used and alone.
  • what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
    It will bring problems, and disappointment. Maybe it'll take away stress... I feel it is too naive to think it will bring me comfort.
    It'll take away my several-years-SI-free. my accomplishment... will it take away my progress?
  • how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
    I want to feel like we're partners, not so much I'm her caretaker. I want to feel worth fighting for. I want to be in a more financially secure situation. Harming myself is likely to cause a divide between us, and it won't create stability.
  • if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
    Will there be relief? I don't know. This stress is constant... Is it worth it to have a little break? What will I do then? Hide in shame until the evidence is gone? Will I keep returning to it for more relief, for another break, in this constant stress? I don't know. I don't fucking know anything.
  • what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
    I could call the food bank and become a registered member; it will provide a very small, but stable income of food. It will last me until I graduate.
    I applied to a job.. I could prepare myself for an interview. Preparing will increase my confidence, but might get my hopes up only to be shattered again.
    I could ask/beg my family for financial help/food, like a loser. They'll only say what I am starting to say to myself (and I don't want to hear it)
    I could have a bath, distract myself with a game, eat food (eating my emotions, yay), go for a walk...
    I could draw/write on my body where I want to SI; maybe that will help ease the urges.
  • how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
    I'll feel ashamed, like I didn't try hard enough. But apart of me also thinks I will feel stronger and more in control.
    I'll still feel stressed, but I may feel like I've done something productive to ease my stressful situation if I prepare.
  • what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to damage myself. I want someone to hold me and take care of me; maybe if I'm damaged, they will. I could ask for a hug and for them to step up, but they won't, and never will.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer
  • Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
    I'm stressed out, I'm tired of feeling like I do everything alone, I feel so betrayed.
  • Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
    All of this is so new to me.
  • What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
    I've overworked, I've made incredible sacrifices, I've eaten very unnutritious foods to keep under budget.
  • How do I feel right now?
    Stressed, betrayed, alone, upset/hysterical. My chest aches and I am really scared, full of dread.
  • How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
    Will I feel shame, disgust, and feel weak?
    Or will I feel relief, and feel strong, and have a moment of peace without my mind smothering me with thoughts...
  • How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
    Most likely shame. Most likely regret.
  • Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
    No. The only thing I can do to stop it from happening is to do this entirely on my own, end my relationship, and give up hope that she'll contribute financially
  • Do I need to hurt myself?
........ I don't need to...
I want to.
I don't know what to do.

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