after

tools to help you assess your urges before you give in to them, and to help you understand and learn from slips after they happen. by posting here, you're saying that you are serious about exploring the feelings behind your self-harm in depth, whether you're ready to stop hurting yourself or not. to request posting access, click usergroups above and join before and after.

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funkymusic
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Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:14 pm

after

Post by funkymusic » Mon Jan 16, 2012 6:44 am

It's been a very long time. It feels a little strange to be back here. But here goes...
  • what had happened just before?
    I got home from work, where I had been trying to pick up extra shifts...
  • what were you thinking and feeling?
    ... and felt really obnoxious for doing so. I felt like I needed to punish myself and provide myself a way to remember not to continue to be obnoxious. I was angry and disappointed at/with myself. I was sad that I may have hurt the others' feelings.
  • why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
    Last night, I despised myself for being completely inconsiderate towards someone who means a lot to me regarding a sensitive subject, and I wanted to hurt myself. I convinced myself it wouldn't help and avoided it. Today, after again being inconsiderate and obnoxious, the urge came back, stronger.
  • what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
    Last night, I tried reading, doing Ken-Ken, and going to bed. They worked. Today, I didn't try much, because I was too angry with myself.
  • in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
    I could have written something out. I could have even written a letter to myself to serve as the reminder that was the purpose of the self-injury. It may have helped me figure out what I was feeling and thinking. I could also have tried to talk to someone.
  • how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
    I still feel uncomfortable and disappointed about my lack of consideration towards others. I can take care in future situations to remember the circumstances of others before making comments. I need to remember to think before I speak. I really hope I'll have the presence of mind to refrain from saying anything inappropriate or insensitive. If there's something on my mind, I can find certain ways or certain people to whom to say it that are more appropriate or less sensitive.
  • what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
    • talking to someone, even if it's not about self-harm
    • writing a letter to myself or to someone else
    • doing Ken-Ken or reading a book

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