After :/

[capricorn]

what had happened just before?

Fight with my girlfriend the night before. She was upset in the morning.

what were you thinking and feeling?

That I caused the fight, that she hated me, that I was horrible and worthless. Huge amounts of panic and anger and self hatred, too much to be borne.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

I don't know. I think probably having upset R just made me lose it in anger and self loathing.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

Ultimately I should have kept calm, taken hold of my meditation stone and breathed. I should have recognised the rising feeling of panic and hysteria and taken these steps then.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

Had drunk, but not overly. Probably 4 or 5 units. This contributed to the initial fight as I was a bit over emotional. Disturbed sleep the night before. Also exam stress in the background.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

I tried to breathe and keep calm but it all just hit too fast. And I tried punching my mattress but it wasn't enough and kinda led to a frenzy.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

Getting up and going to a friend. Using the meditation stone. Asking R for five minutes. Praying. Picking out a card from my tarot deck. All before the major hysteria hit,

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

I might put a note to self on my pinboard. And keep things in prominent places.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Resolved. It was a fight over nothing really.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

Yeah, sadly. And by irrational thoughts of her hating me, me being worthless ... the anxiety/anger ... fighting in general.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Prayer. Taking a 5 min break from conversation. Meditation