- Have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yeah, did that already. - What had happened just before?
I was writing parts of my novel for the first time in a month. - what were you thinking and feeling?
In fact, as crazy as it may seem, I was really, really happy. - Why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? Was there an event that was the final straw? What was it?
I really don’t know what happened. I was just… really glad to be able to write again, and I think my head went in a “Gleeeeeee!omgomgomgomgOMGOMGOMGICAN’TBEARTHISAAAAAAAAH” kind of way. - How did the situation get to the final straw stage? Trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. Look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrive at the final straw.
I’m really confused about the whole thing. I read something that was butt-kicking enough to make me want to try and write again. Then I put music, made tea, drank some cups, was really enjoying myself, and then excitation kicked in all of a sudden, I felt on the edge of hyperventilating and grabbed the tool as a reflex. I guess my first error was to have the tool at hand’s length, as everything went really too quickly for me to be able to stop myself before the final freak-out. - Were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? Can you address those in the future? How?
I’m lacking sleep, but I can’t see how it relates -- "gleefully happy" is usually not a dangerous state. I guess I must have taken too much tea. But it’s really the first time something like that happens – I usually am able to handle joyful excitation properly when writing. - What other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? How well did they work?
I try to tell myself to wait fifteen minutes, then another fifteen, and that usually works. Also, I can drown myself in a book or a movie, anything to get the urge out of mind. But the urge always happen when I'm sad or mad, and it never comes that fast and strong, it's always a slow build up so I can push the tought away before it overpowers me. - In retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? What were they?
I'm just so confused. I can't think of an answer except removing the tools far from hand. Calling for help may be a good idea if the answer comes really quickly, but that's not something I can rely on. I guess maybe I could try to use the urge to feed creativity? - How do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? Is it resolved? If not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
As I said... really really confused about the whole thing. I didn’t cut a lot before I got back to my right mind. The urge was still there when I freaked out and stopped myself, and then I just... fought the urge as I usually do, by pushing the thought back in my mind and calling for a friend to help. I'm scared it might happen again. - Are you likely to be in that emotional place again? How will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I’m pretty sure I’ll get to that state of mind again, as I often do. I’ll just be sure to get sharp tools far from my writing place before I settle myself. I really don’t know what I can do to avoid it better than that.
... and I really don't know how to handle this well.