Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
it won't change. i'll have all the same problems - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
moment of peace? it will confirm that the situation is really that serious. maybe i'll get attention. I will be messed up. I will loose a lot of the progress that i made. i will loose some of the respect i have gained for myself. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel safe and secure. i want to know i got through with some dignity. I want to feel calm. i want to feel in control. I want to feel like i have hope. hurting myself will not get me what i want - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
maybe for the night. then i won't be able to stop until who knows when - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
homework. it will relieve some of my stress and pressure. until i have to write my final paper. i better write it then, and do a good job. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
hopeless, depressed. scared, excited, reluctant, hopeful, manic, overwhelmed, happy, sad, angry, greatful....everything! - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
cry and be ok. do my homework. fill out applications and act like my future is important.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I have procrastinated on my school work to the point that i have to make an A+ on my final paper to even pass the class. i have to be almost perfect to make a really bad, but passing grade. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i failed and gave up. i felt really bad, but giving up is kinda like a depressing relief, like i don't have to try so hard anymore.
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
binge eat. write.
- How do I feel right now?
overwhelmed. nervous. ashamed
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
numb. hopefully nothing, but probably ashamed
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
desperate
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I need to find a way to just do what i need to do. i make really good grades when i turn my work in. i don't even know what i can do about our financial problems.
- Do I need to hurt myself?
no
