Dealing With Flashbacks Or Flooding
From Triumph Over Darkness by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A.
When flashbacks or flooding occur, many survivors do not know how to deal with the intensity of their feelings. During the first week of treatment I give my clients a homework assignment: Develop an emergency list that tells you how to take care of yourself in times of flashbacks, flooding or a crisis. The list should contain ten to fifteen items.
I encourage clients to carry their lists with them at all times and to have them posted in prominent places throughout their homes, workplaces, and cars. When flashbacks occur, and they will, go through the list as many times as you need to de-escalate the feelings. Some people need a second list of activities that they can do in their work setting, so be sure to prepare for that. Here are some things you might want to put on your list:
1.Sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor. Inhale through your nose, count to ten, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat five times.
2.Find a safe place to be with your feelings.
3.Talk about what you are experiencing with someone who is really listening and is not afraid to ask questions.
4.Remind yourself that you are safe. Tell yourself that you are remembering what happened in the past and that you are in the present -- safe.
5.Journal: Write down what you saw, how it felt, and what you are currently feeling.
6.Tell yourself that you are not going crazy. Flashbacks are part of the healing process. They are not going to make you crazy, even though it feels that way.
7.Do three things on your self-care list.
8.Do something physical, such as walking or running in place, pounding your fists on a pillow, or shredding newspaper.
9.Call someone in your support system. This may be someone from group, a recovery partner or an intimate partner. If your support person is not available, try calling a local crisis line for support.
10.Ground yourself with an object of empowerment and safety. (Many of my clients carry a special rock that they can hold onto to ground themselves.)
11.If you have gone through this list three times and are still feeling intense emotions related to flooding, flashbacks or a personal crisis, put a call in to your therapist. It is likely that your therapist will not be available the moment you call. Keep working through your list until you feel better and/or your therapist calls back.
my coping space
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angelic212
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
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- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
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Identifying Different Feelings
As abuse survivors we often have trouble identifying our feelings. Often times we've spent years being numb and having no connection to our feelings. So here is a list of some of the common feelings.
gay, convivial, festive, contented, complacent, satisfied, serene, comfortable, peaceful, tranquil, joyous, ecstatic, rapturous, transported, enthusiastic, inspired, glad, beatific, pleased, blissful, cheerful, genial, cheery, sunny, blithe, high-spirited, lighthearted, buoyant, debonair, bright, free & easy, airy, saucy, jaunty, sprightly, lively, spirited, animated, vivacious, brisk, sparkling, merry, mirthful, hilarious, exhilarated, jovial, jolly, jocular, playful, gleeful, frisky, elated, exultant, jubilant.
sorrowful, downcast, dejected, unhappy, woeful, woebegone, depressed, disconsolate, melancholy, gloomy, cheerless, somber, dismal, heavyhearted, joyless, spiritless, dismal, dark, clouded, frowning, lugubrious, funeral, mournful, dreadful, dreary, flat, dull, oppressed, downhearted, in the dumps, sullen, mumpish, moping, moody, glum, sulky, discontented, out of sorts, ill at ease, low spirited, low, discouraged, dishearten, despondent, crestfallen, anguish, injured, offended, grieved, distressed, in pain, suffering, afflicted, worried, aching, crushed, victimized, heartbroken, hapless, in despair, agonized, tortured, dolorous, piteous, woeful, rueful, mournful, pathetic, tragic, hurt.
Angry, resentful, enraged, irritate, furious, annoyed, inflamed, provoked, piqued, incensed, infuriated, offended, sullen, wrought up, worked up, indignant, irate, wrathful, cross, sulky, bitter, virulent, acrimonious, boiling, fuming, in a stew, up in arms, in a huff.
Afraid, fearful, frightened, in fear, timid, timorous, chicken, nervous, diffident, fainthearted, tremulous, shaky, apprehensive, fidgety, restful, aghast, terrified, panicked, hysterical, yellow, alarmed, shocked, horrified, insecure, anxious, worried, misgiving, doubtful, suspicious, hesitant, irresolute, awed, dismayed, scared, trembling, quaking, cowardly, threatened, menaced, appalled, petrified.
Interested
concerned, affected, fascinated, engrossed, intrigued, absorbed, excited, curious, inquisitive, inspiring, nosey, snoopy.
Fearless
encouraged, courageous, confident, secure, reassured, bold, brave, daring, gallant, heroic, self-reliant, spirited, resolute, stout hearted, enterprising, hardy, determined, audacious, dauntless, certain.
Doubtful
Unbelieving, skeptical, distrustful, suspicious, dubious, uncertain, questioning, wavering, hesitant, perplexed, indecisive, misgiving.
Eager, keen, earnest, zealous, intent, ardent, agog, avid, anxious, enthusiastic, desirous, fervent, hot-headed, fervid.
As abuse survivors we often have trouble identifying our feelings. Often times we've spent years being numb and having no connection to our feelings. So here is a list of some of the common feelings.
gay, convivial, festive, contented, complacent, satisfied, serene, comfortable, peaceful, tranquil, joyous, ecstatic, rapturous, transported, enthusiastic, inspired, glad, beatific, pleased, blissful, cheerful, genial, cheery, sunny, blithe, high-spirited, lighthearted, buoyant, debonair, bright, free & easy, airy, saucy, jaunty, sprightly, lively, spirited, animated, vivacious, brisk, sparkling, merry, mirthful, hilarious, exhilarated, jovial, jolly, jocular, playful, gleeful, frisky, elated, exultant, jubilant.
sorrowful, downcast, dejected, unhappy, woeful, woebegone, depressed, disconsolate, melancholy, gloomy, cheerless, somber, dismal, heavyhearted, joyless, spiritless, dismal, dark, clouded, frowning, lugubrious, funeral, mournful, dreadful, dreary, flat, dull, oppressed, downhearted, in the dumps, sullen, mumpish, moping, moody, glum, sulky, discontented, out of sorts, ill at ease, low spirited, low, discouraged, dishearten, despondent, crestfallen, anguish, injured, offended, grieved, distressed, in pain, suffering, afflicted, worried, aching, crushed, victimized, heartbroken, hapless, in despair, agonized, tortured, dolorous, piteous, woeful, rueful, mournful, pathetic, tragic, hurt.
Angry, resentful, enraged, irritate, furious, annoyed, inflamed, provoked, piqued, incensed, infuriated, offended, sullen, wrought up, worked up, indignant, irate, wrathful, cross, sulky, bitter, virulent, acrimonious, boiling, fuming, in a stew, up in arms, in a huff.
Afraid, fearful, frightened, in fear, timid, timorous, chicken, nervous, diffident, fainthearted, tremulous, shaky, apprehensive, fidgety, restful, aghast, terrified, panicked, hysterical, yellow, alarmed, shocked, horrified, insecure, anxious, worried, misgiving, doubtful, suspicious, hesitant, irresolute, awed, dismayed, scared, trembling, quaking, cowardly, threatened, menaced, appalled, petrified.
Interested
concerned, affected, fascinated, engrossed, intrigued, absorbed, excited, curious, inquisitive, inspiring, nosey, snoopy.
Fearless
encouraged, courageous, confident, secure, reassured, bold, brave, daring, gallant, heroic, self-reliant, spirited, resolute, stout hearted, enterprising, hardy, determined, audacious, dauntless, certain.
Doubtful
Unbelieving, skeptical, distrustful, suspicious, dubious, uncertain, questioning, wavering, hesitant, perplexed, indecisive, misgiving.
Eager, keen, earnest, zealous, intent, ardent, agog, avid, anxious, enthusiastic, desirous, fervent, hot-headed, fervid.
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angelic212
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Tips for Managing Triggers When YOU Choose to Process
There are specific things that survivors can do to prepare themselves to take advantage of the situation of being triggered in order to process their feelings and memories. They can also, by giving themselves permission in advance to stop, if necessary, protect themselves if they are already overloaded, if it is currently unsafe to process, or if they are not able to be supported or support themselves sufficiently at the time.
If a survivor is currently vulnerable, yet wishes to use the opportunity triggerous material provides to process, s/he should prepare for that possibility:
* Make sure you are in a comfortable situation;
* Keep your journal, a drawing pad, reprogramming worksheets, comforting toys and some tissues handy. It is often helpful to keep a positive or inspiring object, image or guardian "icon" visible....something that reminds you of your desire to heal..
* Remind yourself of your positive motives and possible short-term consequences....and your reasons for risking them. It is often helpful to make some message signs (block letters, so kid alters or vulnerable inner child state can read them). For example:
This story may trigger my feelings and/or memories.
I can stop reading if I need to. If I am very upset, I can __________ until I feel better, (Fill in the blank with what works best for you, for example, "listen to some music", "hold my teddy bear", "call a friend",
"write in my journal", "yell, and pound on a pillow", "mash some clay", "draw ugly pictures", etc)
I am choosing to read so that I can heal by honoring and comforting my pain
I do not want to add more pain through self punishment in the present.
I am willing to release old pain, but I do not want to become confused by
it so that I think I need to be hurt any more.
* Be aware that narratives can sometimes open up associated memory fragments (a memory "bank") which can seem mixed, confused or contradictory. Remember, you have time to sort out all of the pieces. Things are not always as they first appear. Trust your feelings as valid to your experience.
* Remember to ask yourself, "If I knew a child who just experienced what I am remembering or feeling, what would he or she need to feel comforted?" Then provide for yourself as best you are able.
The key to healing of the adult is the healing of the child.
There are specific things that survivors can do to prepare themselves to take advantage of the situation of being triggered in order to process their feelings and memories. They can also, by giving themselves permission in advance to stop, if necessary, protect themselves if they are already overloaded, if it is currently unsafe to process, or if they are not able to be supported or support themselves sufficiently at the time.
If a survivor is currently vulnerable, yet wishes to use the opportunity triggerous material provides to process, s/he should prepare for that possibility:
* Make sure you are in a comfortable situation;
* Keep your journal, a drawing pad, reprogramming worksheets, comforting toys and some tissues handy. It is often helpful to keep a positive or inspiring object, image or guardian "icon" visible....something that reminds you of your desire to heal..
* Remind yourself of your positive motives and possible short-term consequences....and your reasons for risking them. It is often helpful to make some message signs (block letters, so kid alters or vulnerable inner child state can read them). For example:
This story may trigger my feelings and/or memories.
I can stop reading if I need to. If I am very upset, I can __________ until I feel better, (Fill in the blank with what works best for you, for example, "listen to some music", "hold my teddy bear", "call a friend",
"write in my journal", "yell, and pound on a pillow", "mash some clay", "draw ugly pictures", etc)
I am choosing to read so that I can heal by honoring and comforting my pain
I do not want to add more pain through self punishment in the present.
I am willing to release old pain, but I do not want to become confused by
it so that I think I need to be hurt any more.
* Be aware that narratives can sometimes open up associated memory fragments (a memory "bank") which can seem mixed, confused or contradictory. Remember, you have time to sort out all of the pieces. Things are not always as they first appear. Trust your feelings as valid to your experience.
* Remember to ask yourself, "If I knew a child who just experienced what I am remembering or feeling, what would he or she need to feel comforted?" Then provide for yourself as best you are able.
The key to healing of the adult is the healing of the child.
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angelic212
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Self-Care
Learning to Love, Nurture, and Care for Yourself.
Taken from page 243 of Triumph Over Darkness
by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A.
Self-care is one of the hardest tasks for a survivor. Many feel that they do not deserve to be taken care of because they are "awful," "bad," or "rotten." However, self-care is a skill you must learn early if your recovery process is to progress. The reality is, if you did not get healthy emotional or physical care as a child, no one is going to be able to meet your true inner needs now except YOU. No one -- not a lover, spouse, friend, neighbor or even a therapist -- is going to meet your needs the way you need them to be met. Others can help you in this process, but all will fall short of your needs and expectations. You must learn this painful truth, and begin to love, nurture, and care for yourself.
At first this may seem extremely difficult. I encourage clients to create a list of things they will do to take care of themselves during the time they are in therapy with me. The goal is to do one or two caring things for yourself every day. In the beginning this may seem foreign, but it soon becomes rote, and you begin to care for yourself -- because you are someone special and because you deserve it. The following is a list of self-care suggestions compiled from suggestions from my clients. Some of these ideas may not be right for you because they may contain triggers, so be sure to make your own list.
1. Take a long, hot bubble bath, listen to classical music, or light candles.
2. Read a special book -- not one for school, work, parenting or therapy -- one just for you.
3. Watch old movies, eat popcorn, and drink warm tea.
4. Play with your animals; they give unconditional love.
5. Reduce your expectations of yourself.
6. Invest in relationships when you feel most like withdrawing.
7. Focus on the present. You cannot cope with the burden of the past and the fear of the future all the time.
8. Listen to special music selected just for your self-care time.
9. Spend an entire day doing just what you want.
10. Allow yourself to cry when you need to.
11. Accept that you can't control everything.
12. Take a nap.
13. Go to the ocean and walk on the beach.
14. Get a massage. When that is too hard, get a manicure or a pedicure.
15. Go window shopping.
16. Allow yourself to verbalize your anger in a way that will not be destructive to yourself or others.
17. Set the table with your best dishes, linen, and silver when you are having dinner by yourself.
18. Write special letters to long-lost friends. Use a special pen and stationery for this.
19. Lie on the couch curled up with a warm blankey, a favorite stuffed animal, and soft music.
20. Eat and sleep according to a regular schedule.
21. Try not to resist the recovery process because that will make you feel more alone and out of control.
Learning to Love, Nurture, and Care for Yourself.
Taken from page 243 of Triumph Over Darkness
by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A.
Self-care is one of the hardest tasks for a survivor. Many feel that they do not deserve to be taken care of because they are "awful," "bad," or "rotten." However, self-care is a skill you must learn early if your recovery process is to progress. The reality is, if you did not get healthy emotional or physical care as a child, no one is going to be able to meet your true inner needs now except YOU. No one -- not a lover, spouse, friend, neighbor or even a therapist -- is going to meet your needs the way you need them to be met. Others can help you in this process, but all will fall short of your needs and expectations. You must learn this painful truth, and begin to love, nurture, and care for yourself.
At first this may seem extremely difficult. I encourage clients to create a list of things they will do to take care of themselves during the time they are in therapy with me. The goal is to do one or two caring things for yourself every day. In the beginning this may seem foreign, but it soon becomes rote, and you begin to care for yourself -- because you are someone special and because you deserve it. The following is a list of self-care suggestions compiled from suggestions from my clients. Some of these ideas may not be right for you because they may contain triggers, so be sure to make your own list.
1. Take a long, hot bubble bath, listen to classical music, or light candles.
2. Read a special book -- not one for school, work, parenting or therapy -- one just for you.
3. Watch old movies, eat popcorn, and drink warm tea.
4. Play with your animals; they give unconditional love.
5. Reduce your expectations of yourself.
6. Invest in relationships when you feel most like withdrawing.
7. Focus on the present. You cannot cope with the burden of the past and the fear of the future all the time.
8. Listen to special music selected just for your self-care time.
9. Spend an entire day doing just what you want.
10. Allow yourself to cry when you need to.
11. Accept that you can't control everything.
12. Take a nap.
13. Go to the ocean and walk on the beach.
14. Get a massage. When that is too hard, get a manicure or a pedicure.
15. Go window shopping.
16. Allow yourself to verbalize your anger in a way that will not be destructive to yourself or others.
17. Set the table with your best dishes, linen, and silver when you are having dinner by yourself.
18. Write special letters to long-lost friends. Use a special pen and stationery for this.
19. Lie on the couch curled up with a warm blankey, a favorite stuffed animal, and soft music.
20. Eat and sleep according to a regular schedule.
21. Try not to resist the recovery process because that will make you feel more alone and out of control.
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
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A Creed to Live By
By Nancye Sims
" Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others:
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important:
Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give
Nothing is really over … until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect:
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be Afraid to encounter risks:
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love:
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is; to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your Dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget where you've been,
But also where you're going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored every step of the way."
By Nancye Sims
By Nancye Sims
" Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others:
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important:
Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give
Nothing is really over … until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect:
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be Afraid to encounter risks:
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love:
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is; to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your Dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget where you've been,
But also where you're going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored every step of the way."
By Nancye Sims
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angelic212
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Bill of Rights
1. I have the right to direct the course of my own life, based on what I feel is right for me, regardless of what others feel I should do. This includes the right to decide what course of action I take to recover (therapy, support groups assertiveness training, anger release and so on.)
2. I have a right to remember on the Discover, and tell the truth about the abuse and the abuser, about my parents and my family of origin.
3. I have a right to be believed.
4. I have a right to all my feelings (anger, fear, pain, love, joy)and a right to express my feelings.
5. I have a right to confront those who were and are abusive, neglect full, and harmful to me.
6. I have a right to break free from the negative behavior patterns of my family of origin and to break the cycle of abuse.
7.I have the right to choose the people I will relate to and relate to them in a manner of my choice (the emotional or non-emotional, sexual or non-sexual, friendly or impersonal.
8. I have the right to say no!
9. I have the right to leave the company of any family member or anyone else, temporarily or permanently, who either deliberately or inadvertently fails to respect me as a person or treats me in any way that I don't like.
10. I have the right to decide who charges my body, when, where, and for how long, I have the right to object to any touch.
11. I have the right to privacy and personal space.
12. I have the right to trust my feeling, perceptions, judgment, intuition, and inner experience.
13. I have the right to loving, non-sexual, non-abusive relationships with friends, parents, and children.
14. I have the right to a healthy, loving, sexually exciting, non-abusive, relationship with a person I choose as a lover.
15. I have the right to have healthy, happy children who are safe from abuse.
16.I have a right to choose a lifestyle, including a sexual lifestyle, that is comfortable for me.
17. I have are right happiness, love, health, and peace, regardless of the past.
18. I have the right to refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except myself.
19. I have the right to decide whether or not I choose to work toward forgiving anyone. This includes the right of never forgiving anyone or never telling anyone of any forgiveness.
20. I have the right to develop myself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.
These are your rights. Claiming the measure birth right. Standing up for them is crucial to your recovery!
1. I have the right to direct the course of my own life, based on what I feel is right for me, regardless of what others feel I should do. This includes the right to decide what course of action I take to recover (therapy, support groups assertiveness training, anger release and so on.)
2. I have a right to remember on the Discover, and tell the truth about the abuse and the abuser, about my parents and my family of origin.
3. I have a right to be believed.
4. I have a right to all my feelings (anger, fear, pain, love, joy)and a right to express my feelings.
5. I have a right to confront those who were and are abusive, neglect full, and harmful to me.
6. I have a right to break free from the negative behavior patterns of my family of origin and to break the cycle of abuse.
7.I have the right to choose the people I will relate to and relate to them in a manner of my choice (the emotional or non-emotional, sexual or non-sexual, friendly or impersonal.
8. I have the right to say no!
9. I have the right to leave the company of any family member or anyone else, temporarily or permanently, who either deliberately or inadvertently fails to respect me as a person or treats me in any way that I don't like.
10. I have the right to decide who charges my body, when, where, and for how long, I have the right to object to any touch.
11. I have the right to privacy and personal space.
12. I have the right to trust my feeling, perceptions, judgment, intuition, and inner experience.
13. I have the right to loving, non-sexual, non-abusive relationships with friends, parents, and children.
14. I have the right to a healthy, loving, sexually exciting, non-abusive, relationship with a person I choose as a lover.
15. I have the right to have healthy, happy children who are safe from abuse.
16.I have a right to choose a lifestyle, including a sexual lifestyle, that is comfortable for me.
17. I have are right happiness, love, health, and peace, regardless of the past.
18. I have the right to refuse to accept responsibility or blame for the actions and decisions of anyone except myself.
19. I have the right to decide whether or not I choose to work toward forgiving anyone. This includes the right of never forgiving anyone or never telling anyone of any forgiveness.
20. I have the right to develop myself as a whole person, emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.
These are your rights. Claiming the measure birth right. Standing up for them is crucial to your recovery!
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
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A Recovery Bill of Rights for Trauma Survivors
As a Matter of Personal AUTHORITY, You Have the Right . . .
...to manage your life according to your own values and judgment
...to direct your recovery, answerable to no one for your goals, effort, or progress
...to gather information to make intelligent decisions about your recovery
...to seek help from a variety of sources, unhindered by demands for exclusivity
...to decline help from anyone without having to justify the decision
...to have faith in your powers of self restoration -- and to seek allies who share it
...to trust allies in healing as much as any adult can trust another, but no more
...to be afraid and to avoid what frightens you
...to decide for yourself whether, when, and where to confront your fear
...to learn by experimenting, that is, to make mistakes.
For the Preservation of Personal BOUNDARIES, You Have the Right . . .
...to be touched only with your permission, and only in ways that are comfortable
...to choose to speak or remain silent, about any topic or at any moment
...to choose to accept or decline feedback, suggestions, or interpretations
...to ask for help in healing, without having to accept help with work, play, or love
...to challenge any crossing of your boundaries
...to take appropriate action to end any trespass that does not cease when challenged.
In the Sphere of Personal COMMUNICATION, You Have the Right . . .
...to ask for explanation of communications you do not understand
...to express a contrary view when you do understand and you disagree
...to acknowledge your feelings, without having to justify them as assertions of fact or actions affecting others
...to ask for changes when your needs are not being met
...to speak of your experience, with respect for your doubts and uncertainties
...to resolve doubt without deferring to the views or wishes of anyone.
Specific to the DOMAIN of Psychotherapy, You Have the Right . . .
...to hire a therapist or counselor as coach, not boss, of your recovery
...to receive expert and faithful assistance in healing from your therapist
...to be assured that your therapist will refuse to engage in any other relationship with you -- business, social, or sexual -- for life
...to be secure against revelation of anything you have disclosed to your therapist, unless a court of law commands it
...to have your therapist's undivided loyalty in relation to any and all perpetrators, abusers, or oppressors
...to receive informative answers to questions about your condition, your hopes for recovery, the goals and methods of treatment, the therapist's qualifications
...to have a strong interest by your therapist in your safety, with a readiness to use all legal means to neutralize an imminent threat to your life or someone else's
...to have your therapist's commitment to you not depend on your "good behavior," unless criminal activity or ongoing threats to safety are involved
...to know reliably the times of sessions and of your therapist's availability, including, if you so desire, a commitment to work together for a set term
...to telephone your therapist between regular scheduled sessions, in urgent need, and have the call returned within a reasonable time
...to be taught skills that lessen risk of retraumatization:
(a) containment (reliable temporal/spatial boundaries for recovery work);
(b) systematic relaxation;
(c) control of attention and imagery (through trance or other techniques)
...to reasonable physical comfort during sessions.
Copyright (c) 1995 by Thomas V. Maguire, Ph.D.
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
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The Special Things in Life
Life is so hard at times for all of us, that it is hard to remember the simple pleasures and joys, that life brings. This ongoing list is a reminder for us all that there are always special things in life. This list was comprised of many people sending me there special things in life. Now while I have kept the blatantly triggering things out of the list. Due to all our different childhoods and circumstance, there may still be triggering activities on this list for you. So read carefully.
1) Making sugar cookies.
2) Laughing
3) Hot showers
4) Smelling freshly cut grass
5) Sledding down a hill
6) Getting mail
7) Taking a drive on a scenic road
Hearing your favorite song
9) Listening to the rain
10) Hot towels just out of the dryer
11) Walking out of your last final
12) Finding something you want for half price
13) Milkshakes
14) Getting a long distance phone call
15) Being invited to a dance
16) Bubble baths
17) Giggling
18) A good conversation
19) The beach and watching the ocean
20) Finding money in last winter's coat
21) Laughing for no particular reason
22) Running through sprinklers
23) Drinking lemonade
24) Hot summer days
25) Being told you're beautiful an being able to believe it.
26) Learning how to trust
27) Friends
28) Slumber parties
29) Overhearing someone say something nice about you
30) Waking up and realizing you have a few hours left to sleep
31) Kittens
32) Spending time with friends
33) Puppies
34) Late night talks
35) Brushing your hair
36) Sweet dreams
37) Hot chocolate
38) Swinging on a porch swing
39) Taking a walk.
40) Playing a board game.
41) Going to the movies.
42) Eating warm chocolate chip cookies.
43) Riding a bike downhill.
44) Meeting someone who understands you.
45) Standing in a snowstorm.
46) Sitting around a campfire.
47) Falling asleep under a warm comforter.
48) Knowing you made a difference in someones life.
49) Holding a sleeping baby.
50) Stepping on packed snow.
51) Knowing that someone is thinking about you
52) Painting a picture.
53) Getting a hug from a friend.
54) Eating fresh raspberries .
55) Receiving a standing ovation.
56) Ice skating
57) Receiving a smile
58) Roasting marshmellows over a campfire
59) Singing in the shower
60) Playing a musical instrument.
61) Doing service for others.
62) Taking pictures of the world
63) Singing to the oldies station in a car
64) Playing in the rain at night.
65) Being held by someone you trust.
66) Looking at the moon and the stars
67) Watching fish swim.
68) Laughing at stupid jokes
69) Remembering happy Memories.
70) Talking for hours to a friend on the phone
71) Seeing the Christmas tree lit.
72) Singing "Ooh eeh ooh aah aah ting tang walla walla bing bang"
73) The smell of crayons.
74) Coloring
75) Playing at the park.
76) Wishing on stars
77) Reading a picture book.
78) Writing Poetry
79) Climbing trees
80) Skipping
81) Someone remembering your birthday
82) Receiving a gift
83) Snuggling a stuffed aniamal
84) Useing new markers
85) Fuzzy slippers
86) Flannel pajamas.
87) Quiet libraries.
88) Making snow angels
89) Going to Toys R Us an playing with all the toys.
90) Curling up in front of a fire with a book.
91) Listening to a new CD over an over again.
92) Meditating
93) Eating sunflower seeds.
94) Roller Blading.
95) Finding out someone you love loves you back.
96) The taste of fresh strawberries.
97) A beautiful sunset after a long day.
98) Hearing a song that describes exactly how you're feeling.
99) Anything that was given to you out of love.
100) The feeling of knowing no matter what you will be remembered
101) The feeling of finally achieving a goal
102) Dancing and dancing good
103) Doing something everyone said you would never be able to do.
104) Holding a new born kitten/baby in your arms
105) Dancing in the incoming waves of the ocean.
106) Going to the zoo or petting farm
107) Examining closely the tiny rocks at a playground.
108) The feel of wool socks
109) Sitting near the heating vent on a winter morning
110) Instant Messages
111) Peanut butter on toast
112) Sitting quietly and watching the birds at a bird house or birdbath
113) Watching an anthill
114) Feeding ducks and ducklings
115) Collecting leaves in the fall
116) Watching old cartoons.
Life is so hard at times for all of us, that it is hard to remember the simple pleasures and joys, that life brings. This ongoing list is a reminder for us all that there are always special things in life. This list was comprised of many people sending me there special things in life. Now while I have kept the blatantly triggering things out of the list. Due to all our different childhoods and circumstance, there may still be triggering activities on this list for you. So read carefully.
1) Making sugar cookies.
2) Laughing
3) Hot showers
4) Smelling freshly cut grass
5) Sledding down a hill
6) Getting mail
7) Taking a drive on a scenic road
Hearing your favorite song9) Listening to the rain
10) Hot towels just out of the dryer
11) Walking out of your last final
12) Finding something you want for half price
13) Milkshakes
14) Getting a long distance phone call
15) Being invited to a dance
16) Bubble baths
17) Giggling
18) A good conversation
19) The beach and watching the ocean
20) Finding money in last winter's coat
21) Laughing for no particular reason
22) Running through sprinklers
23) Drinking lemonade
24) Hot summer days
25) Being told you're beautiful an being able to believe it.
26) Learning how to trust
27) Friends
28) Slumber parties
29) Overhearing someone say something nice about you
30) Waking up and realizing you have a few hours left to sleep
31) Kittens
32) Spending time with friends
33) Puppies
34) Late night talks
35) Brushing your hair
36) Sweet dreams
37) Hot chocolate
38) Swinging on a porch swing
39) Taking a walk.
40) Playing a board game.
41) Going to the movies.
42) Eating warm chocolate chip cookies.
43) Riding a bike downhill.
44) Meeting someone who understands you.
45) Standing in a snowstorm.
46) Sitting around a campfire.
47) Falling asleep under a warm comforter.
48) Knowing you made a difference in someones life.
49) Holding a sleeping baby.
50) Stepping on packed snow.
51) Knowing that someone is thinking about you
52) Painting a picture.
53) Getting a hug from a friend.
54) Eating fresh raspberries .
55) Receiving a standing ovation.
56) Ice skating
57) Receiving a smile
58) Roasting marshmellows over a campfire
59) Singing in the shower
60) Playing a musical instrument.
61) Doing service for others.
62) Taking pictures of the world
63) Singing to the oldies station in a car
64) Playing in the rain at night.
65) Being held by someone you trust.
66) Looking at the moon and the stars
67) Watching fish swim.
68) Laughing at stupid jokes
69) Remembering happy Memories.
70) Talking for hours to a friend on the phone
71) Seeing the Christmas tree lit.
72) Singing "Ooh eeh ooh aah aah ting tang walla walla bing bang"
73) The smell of crayons.
74) Coloring
75) Playing at the park.
76) Wishing on stars
77) Reading a picture book.
78) Writing Poetry
79) Climbing trees
80) Skipping
81) Someone remembering your birthday
82) Receiving a gift
83) Snuggling a stuffed aniamal
84) Useing new markers
85) Fuzzy slippers
86) Flannel pajamas.
87) Quiet libraries.
88) Making snow angels
89) Going to Toys R Us an playing with all the toys.
90) Curling up in front of a fire with a book.
91) Listening to a new CD over an over again.
92) Meditating
93) Eating sunflower seeds.
94) Roller Blading.
95) Finding out someone you love loves you back.
96) The taste of fresh strawberries.
97) A beautiful sunset after a long day.
98) Hearing a song that describes exactly how you're feeling.
99) Anything that was given to you out of love.
100) The feeling of knowing no matter what you will be remembered
101) The feeling of finally achieving a goal
102) Dancing and dancing good
103) Doing something everyone said you would never be able to do.
104) Holding a new born kitten/baby in your arms
105) Dancing in the incoming waves of the ocean.
106) Going to the zoo or petting farm
107) Examining closely the tiny rocks at a playground.
108) The feel of wool socks
109) Sitting near the heating vent on a winter morning
110) Instant Messages
111) Peanut butter on toast
112) Sitting quietly and watching the birds at a bird house or birdbath
113) Watching an anthill
114) Feeding ducks and ducklings
115) Collecting leaves in the fall
116) Watching old cartoons.
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
Learning to reach your Wants, Hopes, Dreams, and Goals.
Balance and getting things done has been a long time, hard thing for most MPD/DID's to do. Most the time one inside family members/alters goal is not another's. This at times causes problems of completing a goal. I've found as my inside family/system has learned respect and how to cooperate, that making and doing goals has gotten easier. Inside family members/alters are learning that what is important to them may not be to someone else. They are learning to respect others goals even if they aren't their own and letting everyone have their "set aside" time to complete their goals. Everything on this page can be used for the individual as well as for the whole family group.
.
1. Start a running list of wants, hopes, dreams, and goals. Write them down as quick as they come to your mind, they can be anything and everything.
(examples: adopt or foster kids that have been abused, play the piano, travel the USA and Canada, Learn sign language, learn to spell and write and math, raise animals, own a jeep wrangler, learn to cook, learn to paint, learn to journal, walk everyday, pray daily,)
2. Divide the wants, hopes, dreams, and goals into categories. Dividing them up will help to make them more manageable.
*
Want to do for the Mind - Learn,
*
Want to do for the Body - Health,
*
Want to do for the Spirit - Soul,
*
Want to Achieve / Accomplish,
*
Want to Have, or Possess,
*
Want to Give Back / Do for Others.
3. Put your wants, hopes, dreams, and goals in each category in order of achievability, easily accomplished to harder, or things you will need others assistance in accomplishing towards the bottom. Make note of the things you will need to accomplish your goals, such as further education, connections, more money. You can pick things off the lists one at a time or a couple at a time to work on.
4. Some wants, hopes, dreams, and goals you may want to brake down even further to help with the process by listing out the following
*
Statement of wants, hopes, dreams, and goals
*
Possible Obstacles
*
Strategies for Overcoming Obstacles
*
Specific Action Steps to attain my wants, hopes, dreams, and goals
Balance and getting things done has been a long time, hard thing for most MPD/DID's to do. Most the time one inside family members/alters goal is not another's. This at times causes problems of completing a goal. I've found as my inside family/system has learned respect and how to cooperate, that making and doing goals has gotten easier. Inside family members/alters are learning that what is important to them may not be to someone else. They are learning to respect others goals even if they aren't their own and letting everyone have their "set aside" time to complete their goals. Everything on this page can be used for the individual as well as for the whole family group.
.
1. Start a running list of wants, hopes, dreams, and goals. Write them down as quick as they come to your mind, they can be anything and everything.
(examples: adopt or foster kids that have been abused, play the piano, travel the USA and Canada, Learn sign language, learn to spell and write and math, raise animals, own a jeep wrangler, learn to cook, learn to paint, learn to journal, walk everyday, pray daily,)
2. Divide the wants, hopes, dreams, and goals into categories. Dividing them up will help to make them more manageable.
*
Want to do for the Mind - Learn,
*
Want to do for the Body - Health,
*
Want to do for the Spirit - Soul,
*
Want to Achieve / Accomplish,
*
Want to Have, or Possess,
*
Want to Give Back / Do for Others.
3. Put your wants, hopes, dreams, and goals in each category in order of achievability, easily accomplished to harder, or things you will need others assistance in accomplishing towards the bottom. Make note of the things you will need to accomplish your goals, such as further education, connections, more money. You can pick things off the lists one at a time or a couple at a time to work on.
4. Some wants, hopes, dreams, and goals you may want to brake down even further to help with the process by listing out the following
*
Statement of wants, hopes, dreams, and goals
*
Possible Obstacles
*
Strategies for Overcoming Obstacles
*
Specific Action Steps to attain my wants, hopes, dreams, and goals
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
im struggling with major anxiety today.
im gonna go swimming to see if that helps me with my anxiety.
but my anxiety levels are really high right now.
on a scale of 1 to 10 my anxiety its like about a 9 right now.
i dont feel safe wearing a bathing suit right now, so i dont think i will go swimming.
gonna tryy something else from the list of coping alternatives
im gonna go swimming to see if that helps me with my anxiety.
but my anxiety levels are really high right now.
on a scale of 1 to 10 my anxiety its like about a 9 right now.
i dont feel safe wearing a bathing suit right now, so i dont think i will go swimming.
gonna tryy something else from the list of coping alternatives
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
How Do I Feel?
Sometimes we feel emotings which we seems unable or unwilling the express or explain, often due to an inability to find the 'right' words Try using these to help.
Happy: festive, contented, relaxed, calm, complacent, satisfied, serene, comfortable, peaceful, optimistic, joyous, ecstatic, enthusiastic, inspired, glad, pleased, grateful, cheerful, excited, optimistic, lighthearted, carefree, playful, elated, jubilant, thrilled
Sad: depressed, low, dismal, dreary, dull, moody, sulky, defeated, pessimistic, hopeless, melancholy, somber, despairing, miserable
Hurt: offended, upset, disappointed, heartbroken, crushed
Angry: annoyed, irritated, cross, frustrated, grumpy, angry, provoked, offended, indignant, hostile, irate, furious, fuming, enraged
Afraid: fearful, frightened, timid, cautious, concerned, apprehensive, alarmed, nervous, anxious, worried, hesitant, threatened, scared, petrified, terrified
Loving: accepting, understanding, sharing, affectionate, close, warm, tender, passionate
Interested: eager, enthusiastic, intrigued, absorbed, excited, inquisitive, intent, earnest, fascinated, engrossed
Confident: calm, secure, independent, brave, loyal, courageous, strong, respected, empowered
Doubtful: uncertain, hesitant, indecisive, wavering, insecure, skeptical, dubious, suspicious, distrustful
Shame: uncomfortable, embarrassed, humiliated, dependent, weak
Miscellaneous: puzzled, confused, torn, jealous, envious, distant, evasive, stubborn, impulsive, cruel, preoccupied, bored, powerless, helpless, humble, shocked, uninformed, disregarded
Physical Indicators of Strong Emotion: tense, breathless, nauseated, fatigue, shaky, cold or hot, fast heartbeat, headaches, lack of appetite
Sometimes we feel emotings which we seems unable or unwilling the express or explain, often due to an inability to find the 'right' words Try using these to help.
Happy: festive, contented, relaxed, calm, complacent, satisfied, serene, comfortable, peaceful, optimistic, joyous, ecstatic, enthusiastic, inspired, glad, pleased, grateful, cheerful, excited, optimistic, lighthearted, carefree, playful, elated, jubilant, thrilled
Sad: depressed, low, dismal, dreary, dull, moody, sulky, defeated, pessimistic, hopeless, melancholy, somber, despairing, miserable
Hurt: offended, upset, disappointed, heartbroken, crushed
Angry: annoyed, irritated, cross, frustrated, grumpy, angry, provoked, offended, indignant, hostile, irate, furious, fuming, enraged
Afraid: fearful, frightened, timid, cautious, concerned, apprehensive, alarmed, nervous, anxious, worried, hesitant, threatened, scared, petrified, terrified
Loving: accepting, understanding, sharing, affectionate, close, warm, tender, passionate
Interested: eager, enthusiastic, intrigued, absorbed, excited, inquisitive, intent, earnest, fascinated, engrossed
Confident: calm, secure, independent, brave, loyal, courageous, strong, respected, empowered
Doubtful: uncertain, hesitant, indecisive, wavering, insecure, skeptical, dubious, suspicious, distrustful
Shame: uncomfortable, embarrassed, humiliated, dependent, weak
Miscellaneous: puzzled, confused, torn, jealous, envious, distant, evasive, stubborn, impulsive, cruel, preoccupied, bored, powerless, helpless, humble, shocked, uninformed, disregarded
Physical Indicators of Strong Emotion: tense, breathless, nauseated, fatigue, shaky, cold or hot, fast heartbeat, headaches, lack of appetite
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
How To Help Yourself If You Are Depressed:
- Set realistic goals and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
- Break large tasks into small ones (prioritise) and just do what you can.
- Try being around other people and confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive.
- Do activities that may make you feel better.
- Mild exercise, going to a movie, a ballgame, or doing social/other activities may help.
- Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time.
- Postpone important decisions until the depression has lifted. (e.g. before deciding to make a significant change: jobs, get married etc).
- People rarely "snap out of" a depression. But they can feel a little better day-by-day.
- Remember, positive thinking will replaace the negative thinking
- Let family, friends and people who you can trust, help you
- Set realistic goals and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
- Break large tasks into small ones (prioritise) and just do what you can.
- Try being around other people and confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive.
- Do activities that may make you feel better.
- Mild exercise, going to a movie, a ballgame, or doing social/other activities may help.
- Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time.
- Postpone important decisions until the depression has lifted. (e.g. before deciding to make a significant change: jobs, get married etc).
- People rarely "snap out of" a depression. But they can feel a little better day-by-day.
- Remember, positive thinking will replaace the negative thinking
- Let family, friends and people who you can trust, help you
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
You can't be anything for anybody unless you take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. You know what you want and need. Search your heart and identify your needs. Express your opinions. Value your ideas. You have a unique perspective.
Take the time and space you need, even if other people are wanting something from you.
If you need something, don't talk yourself out of it.
Even if you can't have it, it's important to get in touch with yourself and your feelings of need. Ask if there is a deeper need. Can the deeper need be met in a different way? Maybe you can meet the deeper need.
Wehn you're angry, remove yourself from the situation. Find someone to talk to. Write about your angeer. Let the anger flow through you and subside. Think of solutions to the problem. Think of ways to work on a solution.
When your sad, think about what would comfort you. When your hurt, tell the person who hurt you. Keeping it inside makes it grow.
When you have work to do and you don't want to do it, decide what really needs to be done and what can wait.
When you want something f rom someone else, ask.
You'll be ok if they say no. Asking is being true to your needs.
When people turn you down, it usually has something to do with then, not you. Ask someone else for what you need.
When you feel alone, know there are people that want to be with you.
Decide if you want to make that happen. Meet new people and choose wisely.
When you feel anxious, let yourself know that it's in your head.
You've moved into the past or the future to something scarey. Come back to the present. Talk to someone about your fear. It will help to know you are not alone.
When you want to say something kind to someone, go ahead.
When someone yells at you, physically support yourself. Relax into your chair or put your feet firmly on the floor.
Remember to breathe. Keep yourself safe.
When you're harassing yourself, stop.
You do this when you feel bad and haven't figured out how to meet your needs. Figure out what you need and get it.
When everything seems wrong, you are overwhelmed and need comfort.
Ask for it. Afterward, you can think about what you need to do about the situation.
When you want to talk to someone new and are scared, breathe.
Don't start rehearsing, just plunge in. Speak from you heart and the words will come. If it doesn't go well, you can stop.
If you're donig something you don't like to do (Such as smoking or overeating), stop.
Were you doing this to try to cover up bad feelings or memories? Get help. Are you punishing yourself? Quit.
When you are feeling guilty, ask if punishing yourself will help undo what you did.
Instead, learn from your mistakes and let them make you a better person. You have much to give. Don't loose out on giving your goodness because you are focused on your mistakes.
If you're stuck and you can't think clearly, talk out loud to someone. When you can't think straight, stop thinking .Feel.
When you're in need of love, reach out. There are people who will love you.
When you're confused ,it's usually because you can't decide what to do. Dialogue with yourself or present both sides to a friend.
When you feel hurried, slow down.
Deliberately slow your breathing, your speech, and your movement.s
Imagine beauty. Play your favorite music.
When you have tears, cry.
If it's not safe to cry, acknowledge your pain and promise yourself to cry later.
When everything seems gray, look for color.
Its there somewhere, just for you.
If one of these rules seems wrong for you, talk about it with someone.
Then, rewrite it so it fits you.
Remember, be good to yourself!!
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
Do not be afraid to shine.
This world needs what you have to give.
Open up the areas of your being;
Expose them to yourself - to others.
You are valuable.
You are unique.
You have much to give.
Do not be afraid to give it.
As we risk ourselves, we grow.
Each new experience is a risk.
We can try, and maybe fail,
And, as a result, grow—
Or hold back and stagnate.
You have the potential
To be anything you want.
You are free to choose.
You are limited only by your fears.
Let your dreams take over.
Fly with the eagles.
Soar into life.
The world is waiting for you
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angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
im feeling a bit better at the moment,
right now im printing all the lists of coping alternatives that i have posted.
and im going to put some of the coping skills into practice.
and tonight im going to make some cds so i can listen to them whenever i have a hard time at night , and cant sleep.
but i think tonight im going to go to bed early cause i went to bed last night well this morning at 4:50am and myy doggie woke me up at around 10am i didnt get enough sleep, and i have been feeling depressed and anxiouus. and now im feeling sleepy,
but its 611pm right now and its way too early for me to go bed.
so ihave to wait like till 9:30pm or 10pm , i have to work on my therapy assignments. i have therapy tomorrow
im going to make some pink beaded bracelets right now.
i love the color pink/ (hence/my username*) hehe
well i will post more later if i dont fall asleep.
im really tired though and sleepy.
right now im printing all the lists of coping alternatives that i have posted.
and im going to put some of the coping skills into practice.
and tonight im going to make some cds so i can listen to them whenever i have a hard time at night , and cant sleep.
but i think tonight im going to go to bed early cause i went to bed last night well this morning at 4:50am and myy doggie woke me up at around 10am i didnt get enough sleep, and i have been feeling depressed and anxiouus. and now im feeling sleepy,
but its 611pm right now and its way too early for me to go bed.
so ihave to wait like till 9:30pm or 10pm , i have to work on my therapy assignments. i have therapy tomorrow
im going to make some pink beaded bracelets right now.
i love the color pink/ (hence/my username*) hehe
well i will post more later if i dont fall asleep.
im really tired though and sleepy.
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
Dealing With Flashbacks
Recognize what triggers flashbacks for you. Our triggers are all personal. For some friends, drinking out of a bottle can trigger a flashback. Others say that hearing words spoken during the rape or abuse can cause a flashback. For me, hearing "Me and A Gun" can send me right into one.
I carry a rock with me when I'm feeling triggery and when I have a flashback, it helps to hold onto it because it provides a sense of stability.
Try to remind yourself of your surroundings. Open your eyes and look around, telling yourself that you are safe can help
After the flashback is over, try to understand it. They are terrifying, but usually a sign that we are ready to remember and feel the emotions connected to what has happened to us.
Panic Attacks
A panic or anxiety attack is a radical and quick acting physiological reaction the human body can have when we feel fear. As people who have know true and profound fear we survivors are more prone to them than most. If you have them, you are not alone. Most survivors have had them.
Signs of A Panic Attack
Your heart may be beating quickly or seem to be skipping beats.
You may have difficulty breathing or catching your breath.
Constant shaking and/or twitching
You may feel like you can't think straight, like you can't make decisions or have too many thoughts bouncing around in your head.
Your mouth may become dry and you may find it hard to swallow.</IL>
You may feel ingling in the hands, feet or other parts of the body (I get it in my back)
Tense muscles, clenched jaws.
There are many more, but these are some of the major ones. Keep in mind, you don't need to have all of these to be having a panic attack. A friend of mine only has difficulty breathing but she was diagnosed as having panic attacks. If you have some of these symptoms I hope you'll talk to a counselor about them.
Thoughts on Confronting Panic Attacks
It's OK to be having them. It doesn't make you wierd or abnormal. You'd be surprised at how many people have them. In fact, I had dinner with three other girlfriends and told them about my panic attacks, and they all told me that they also have panic attacks. We decided that only boring people don't have them.
Many of us fear having one in public, at work or school etc. First of all, even though you feel like you are going nuts, there are few outward symptoms. If you are scared of having one in public give yourself permission to go to the bathroom and spend some time by yourself.
A lot of people are terrified of having them. Look at it as practice, to gain control of them and learn techniques to deal with them, what works, what doesn't. Fearing them gives the panic reaction more power over you than it deserves.
Putting pressure on yourself to deal with them RIGHT now is not a great idea. It makes them worse. Try and give yourself permission to have them wherever you are. Find a quiet place, go to the bathroom, go outside. Do whatever makes you comfortable.
If you are going to be in a stressful situation and fear panicking, it may help to visualize yourself going through the experience calmly before it actually occurs.
If You are Panicking
Take deep breaths from the stomach, not the lungs. Lie down and watch your tummy move up and down to practice these deep breaths. Someone gave the tip of lying down with a book on your stomach and watching the book. I don't remember who, but I can't take credit for this brilliant idea.
I try to stay focused on my breathing, by counting the breaths or just thinking.
I might inhale and thing "Focused" Exhale and think "Centered"
Sometimes I inhale and think "It's going to be..." Exhale..."Okay"
Simple repetitive tasks can help. At work, I used to make flashcards for my students, which is dull but focusing. One good idea might be to organize all of the change in your pockets. Put the pennies in year order, then the nickels, then the dimes, then the quarters. Just a stupid non-thinking but focusing task. Count how many people are wearing red and how many are wearing blue and compare the numbers.
Herbal remedies have helped me. Lavendar essential oil is a very calming scent. I used to wear it constantly. In addition, I like Rescue Remedy, which is a natural solution for stressful moments. However, my doctor did prescribe medication for me and I carried it around with me for months, just in case I had an attack.
While you try these it's important to think positively. Thinking "Why isn't this working? It has to start working!" doesn't help and makes the situation worse. It may take a few minutes, it may take more. That doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong. It just means that it's taking time. Also, getting to know your physical symptoms helps. I know that the first sign of an attack is tingling in my back, and my hair standing up on end. If that happens, I start breathing right away, making tea for myself or trying a herbal remedy.
Sleeping and Nightmares
After my rape, I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep and when I finally did my sleep was sometimes interrupted by nightmares. I've found that this is really common among survivors. Most of us experience these problems at some point in time in our healing.
Sleeping Tips
Wake early to excersize. I find that going to they gym in the evening gives me enough energy to start my whole day again.
Make sure you use your bedroom for sleeping only. If you live in a college dormitory or with your family, try to use your desk for activities like studying and reading.
Make a bedtime ritual. I usually drink a cup of Celestial Seasoning's Sleepytime Extra. It has herbs in it to aid sleep, but since it is a ritual, I feel like it sends my body a signal saying, "Sleep is coming."
Some people find that natural remedies, like Valerian, Kava Kava and Melatonin, which can be found at your health food store help. Others find that melatonin, in particular, causes nightmares.
Avoid caffienated beverages in the afternoon.
Alcohol might make you fall asleep, but you'll probably wake up after long, so try to avoid drinking before bed.
Avoid exciting activities before bed. Watching exciting movies or playing competitive games doesn't put most of us in the mood for sleep.
Lock your bedroom door if it makes you feel safer. Sometimes, I'll picture people I love standing outside the door, ready to protect me. Silly, I know, but it helps me feel safe.
Daydream when you get into bed. I usually day dream about being at the beach, watching the sunset, which sometimes brings me into a dream.
Relax each muscle, starting with your feet, and working up to the rest of your body.
Sleep with a stuffed animal!. It's not silly. I sleep with Puppy and I know a lot of other people who have their favorite friends accomany them to bed.
Wear lavendar oil to bed. It's a really calming scent. I dab it onto my pillowcases and there are lavendar washes that you can buy to scent your sheets, like this one.
If you have difficulty falling asleep or sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, make sure that a quiet, relaxing activity is available to you, like a rather dull book. Try doing this instead of lying in bed awake.
Nightmares
After I was raped, I was often woken up by nightmares. The most common one I had was of an attacker outside of my bedroom door or standing above my bed, but I had lots of other more complex and difficult ones. Reliving the trauma through or dreams is common for all of us and are a normal part of the healing process. That doesn't make it fun though. I hope you'll find these ideas helpful.
When you wake up, write the nightmare down.
Alternately, you could try drawing or painting it. I'm not artistic, so this idea wouldn't work for me, but it has for others.
Usually, when I am awoken by a bad dream, I'll try to imagine it ending differently. For instance, when I dream that there is someone outside my door, I'll look around and wake up enough to feel safe. Then I immediately put my head down and imagine that my dog is chasing the attacker out of the house. Usually this will become a dream and I'll end up falling asleep.
At other times, I'm able to somehow consciously control my dream without ever waking up.
Talk about them with a trusted friend or counselor. Talking about them can give them less control over us.
Try to understand them. They are an important part of healing and usually have something to tell us about any unresolved feelings we have Understanding our nightmares and dreams can be a step towards identifying these emotions and resolving them. You can do this just by thinking about what the nightmare meant to you, or by looking at dream books to find the symbolism in them.
Recognize what triggers flashbacks for you. Our triggers are all personal. For some friends, drinking out of a bottle can trigger a flashback. Others say that hearing words spoken during the rape or abuse can cause a flashback. For me, hearing "Me and A Gun" can send me right into one.
I carry a rock with me when I'm feeling triggery and when I have a flashback, it helps to hold onto it because it provides a sense of stability.
Try to remind yourself of your surroundings. Open your eyes and look around, telling yourself that you are safe can help
After the flashback is over, try to understand it. They are terrifying, but usually a sign that we are ready to remember and feel the emotions connected to what has happened to us.
Panic Attacks
A panic or anxiety attack is a radical and quick acting physiological reaction the human body can have when we feel fear. As people who have know true and profound fear we survivors are more prone to them than most. If you have them, you are not alone. Most survivors have had them.
Signs of A Panic Attack
Your heart may be beating quickly or seem to be skipping beats.
You may have difficulty breathing or catching your breath.
Constant shaking and/or twitching
You may feel like you can't think straight, like you can't make decisions or have too many thoughts bouncing around in your head.
Your mouth may become dry and you may find it hard to swallow.</IL>
You may feel ingling in the hands, feet or other parts of the body (I get it in my back)
Tense muscles, clenched jaws.
There are many more, but these are some of the major ones. Keep in mind, you don't need to have all of these to be having a panic attack. A friend of mine only has difficulty breathing but she was diagnosed as having panic attacks. If you have some of these symptoms I hope you'll talk to a counselor about them.
Thoughts on Confronting Panic Attacks
It's OK to be having them. It doesn't make you wierd or abnormal. You'd be surprised at how many people have them. In fact, I had dinner with three other girlfriends and told them about my panic attacks, and they all told me that they also have panic attacks. We decided that only boring people don't have them.
Many of us fear having one in public, at work or school etc. First of all, even though you feel like you are going nuts, there are few outward symptoms. If you are scared of having one in public give yourself permission to go to the bathroom and spend some time by yourself.
A lot of people are terrified of having them. Look at it as practice, to gain control of them and learn techniques to deal with them, what works, what doesn't. Fearing them gives the panic reaction more power over you than it deserves.
Putting pressure on yourself to deal with them RIGHT now is not a great idea. It makes them worse. Try and give yourself permission to have them wherever you are. Find a quiet place, go to the bathroom, go outside. Do whatever makes you comfortable.
If you are going to be in a stressful situation and fear panicking, it may help to visualize yourself going through the experience calmly before it actually occurs.
If You are Panicking
Take deep breaths from the stomach, not the lungs. Lie down and watch your tummy move up and down to practice these deep breaths. Someone gave the tip of lying down with a book on your stomach and watching the book. I don't remember who, but I can't take credit for this brilliant idea.
I try to stay focused on my breathing, by counting the breaths or just thinking.
I might inhale and thing "Focused" Exhale and think "Centered"
Sometimes I inhale and think "It's going to be..." Exhale..."Okay"
Simple repetitive tasks can help. At work, I used to make flashcards for my students, which is dull but focusing. One good idea might be to organize all of the change in your pockets. Put the pennies in year order, then the nickels, then the dimes, then the quarters. Just a stupid non-thinking but focusing task. Count how many people are wearing red and how many are wearing blue and compare the numbers.
Herbal remedies have helped me. Lavendar essential oil is a very calming scent. I used to wear it constantly. In addition, I like Rescue Remedy, which is a natural solution for stressful moments. However, my doctor did prescribe medication for me and I carried it around with me for months, just in case I had an attack.
While you try these it's important to think positively. Thinking "Why isn't this working? It has to start working!" doesn't help and makes the situation worse. It may take a few minutes, it may take more. That doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong. It just means that it's taking time. Also, getting to know your physical symptoms helps. I know that the first sign of an attack is tingling in my back, and my hair standing up on end. If that happens, I start breathing right away, making tea for myself or trying a herbal remedy.
Sleeping and Nightmares
After my rape, I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep and when I finally did my sleep was sometimes interrupted by nightmares. I've found that this is really common among survivors. Most of us experience these problems at some point in time in our healing.
Sleeping Tips
Wake early to excersize. I find that going to they gym in the evening gives me enough energy to start my whole day again.
Make sure you use your bedroom for sleeping only. If you live in a college dormitory or with your family, try to use your desk for activities like studying and reading.
Make a bedtime ritual. I usually drink a cup of Celestial Seasoning's Sleepytime Extra. It has herbs in it to aid sleep, but since it is a ritual, I feel like it sends my body a signal saying, "Sleep is coming."
Some people find that natural remedies, like Valerian, Kava Kava and Melatonin, which can be found at your health food store help. Others find that melatonin, in particular, causes nightmares.
Avoid caffienated beverages in the afternoon.
Alcohol might make you fall asleep, but you'll probably wake up after long, so try to avoid drinking before bed.
Avoid exciting activities before bed. Watching exciting movies or playing competitive games doesn't put most of us in the mood for sleep.
Lock your bedroom door if it makes you feel safer. Sometimes, I'll picture people I love standing outside the door, ready to protect me. Silly, I know, but it helps me feel safe.
Daydream when you get into bed. I usually day dream about being at the beach, watching the sunset, which sometimes brings me into a dream.
Relax each muscle, starting with your feet, and working up to the rest of your body.
Sleep with a stuffed animal!. It's not silly. I sleep with Puppy and I know a lot of other people who have their favorite friends accomany them to bed.
Wear lavendar oil to bed. It's a really calming scent. I dab it onto my pillowcases and there are lavendar washes that you can buy to scent your sheets, like this one.
If you have difficulty falling asleep or sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, make sure that a quiet, relaxing activity is available to you, like a rather dull book. Try doing this instead of lying in bed awake.
Nightmares
After I was raped, I was often woken up by nightmares. The most common one I had was of an attacker outside of my bedroom door or standing above my bed, but I had lots of other more complex and difficult ones. Reliving the trauma through or dreams is common for all of us and are a normal part of the healing process. That doesn't make it fun though. I hope you'll find these ideas helpful.
When you wake up, write the nightmare down.
Alternately, you could try drawing or painting it. I'm not artistic, so this idea wouldn't work for me, but it has for others.
Usually, when I am awoken by a bad dream, I'll try to imagine it ending differently. For instance, when I dream that there is someone outside my door, I'll look around and wake up enough to feel safe. Then I immediately put my head down and imagine that my dog is chasing the attacker out of the house. Usually this will become a dream and I'll end up falling asleep.
At other times, I'm able to somehow consciously control my dream without ever waking up.
Talk about them with a trusted friend or counselor. Talking about them can give them less control over us.
Try to understand them. They are an important part of healing and usually have something to tell us about any unresolved feelings we have Understanding our nightmares and dreams can be a step towards identifying these emotions and resolving them. You can do this just by thinking about what the nightmare meant to you, or by looking at dream books to find the symbolism in them.
hi
I hate these panic attacks and anxiety,there are getting on my nerves,the website that I play checkers on from my computer and it is called www.zone.com,I might have it wrong,if I do please let me know,you have alot of great stuff on your coping page. I do not think I told you that the owners of my apartment place,is remodeling all the apartments,which means that I will be moving,just do not know when,but how do I get back on the bus web board when that happens,do not know the address and what will happen to my coping thread,I do not want to lose it? If you can help me with the information so I can have it,so when I do move,I can get back on. My the way,my birthday is on Easter this year,April 8, I will be 42 years old,just wanted to let you know. I hope you have a great night and take care of yourself,I know how you feel with the anxiety and panic attacks,cause I am going through the samething,never had this before,it is new to me. Write when you can. Thanks 
I am in a dark place like a turtle afraid to deal with the pain that I do not want to feel,but eventually I will slowly face my pain,like the turtle when he comes out of his shell.
To find yourself,think of yourself first.
To find yourself,think of yourself first.
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
my emergency box needs a make over it really does!
i need to put some stuff that actually will help me, things that will help me cope with my anxiety , for example : putting some tea bags and a mug so i can go make some tea.
my journal, some tapes or cds of my favorite songs.
play doh.
and i just cant think of anything else right now,
i guess coloring book and crayons, maybe?
dont know what else.
i need to look at my lists of coping alternatives to see what helps and what doesnt.
and then choose stuff from my coping alternative list things to put in my emergency box. i dont know if its going to be an emergency bag or box.
a bag its easier to carry around.
i will be working tonight on my coping bag or box what ever i decide to do with it.
im going to spend alot of time tonight online,
right now im struggling with major anxiety at the moment.
and im kind of having negative thoughts right now.
i had therapy today and it helped me feel better but now therapy is over , i wont have therapy till monday and the weekend is always the hardest for me.
i dont like weekends.
i have a hard time , specially coping at night time during the weekends. i need to come up with a plan to help me cope.!!!!!!
well i guess this is it for now. i will post more later
i need to put some stuff that actually will help me, things that will help me cope with my anxiety , for example : putting some tea bags and a mug so i can go make some tea.
my journal, some tapes or cds of my favorite songs.
play doh.
and i just cant think of anything else right now,
i guess coloring book and crayons, maybe?
dont know what else.
i need to look at my lists of coping alternatives to see what helps and what doesnt.
and then choose stuff from my coping alternative list things to put in my emergency box. i dont know if its going to be an emergency bag or box.
a bag its easier to carry around.
i will be working tonight on my coping bag or box what ever i decide to do with it.
im going to spend alot of time tonight online,
right now im struggling with major anxiety at the moment.
and im kind of having negative thoughts right now.
i had therapy today and it helped me feel better but now therapy is over , i wont have therapy till monday and the weekend is always the hardest for me.
i dont like weekends.
i have a hard time , specially coping at night time during the weekends. i need to come up with a plan to help me cope.!!!!!!
well i guess this is it for now. i will post more later
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
-
angelic212
- bus mechanic
- Posts: 3159
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:13 am
- Location: lost in the dark
- Contact:
im doing kind of okay right now,
i guess.
i just had some dinner with my parents.
im going to watch some videos in my ipod video to distract myself.
im also going to look for avatars to send in to the avatar wranglers
make a tape of my favorite songs.
watch movies all night.
post on bus and not do anything negative that i will regret later.
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i guess.
i just had some dinner with my parents.
im going to watch some videos in my ipod video to distract myself. im also going to look for avatars to send in to the avatar wranglers make a tape of my favorite songs. watch movies all night. post on bus and not do anything negative that i will regret later.<a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/9/9201fy53afjfsp.gif width=96 height=96 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a><a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl4.glitter-graphics.net/pub/220 ... dkbd5f.gif width=100 height=100 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a><a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl7.glitter-graphics.net/pub/21/ ... 95m1gp.gif width=100 height=100 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a><a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl8.glitter-graphics.net/pub/178 ... ilv3sc.gif width=100 height=100 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a><a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/28/ ... vbnjpb.gif width=106 height=106 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a><a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl4.glitter-graphics.net/pub/179 ... fqg8w1.jpg width=100 height=100 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a><a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com title='Myspace Graphics'><img src=http://dl7.glitter-graphics.net/pub/9/9 ... jomrpn.gif width=96 height=96 alt='myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics' border=0></a>
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