bus

I typically post on my chromebook (laptop). My android phone's chrome web browser works ok for reading and writing short replies, but bus does not seem to be very mobile friendly. I'm constantly having to zoom in and out and have accidentally deleted things several times...

Believe it or not, I'm utterly terrified about my residency next semester. I have no fashion sense, no desire to try and I know nothing about make up and other feminine things. Somehow I gotta get it together so that they will take me seriously at work. I just wish that appearance didn't matter and...

I think I know how to begin to change my life for the better, but I'm so *fucking* terrified that I sit here day after day and do nothing. At least getting high as well as pain are two things to feel when I'm so busy trying to push the rest of the feelings away and survive the day

Megan

So you think I dont work hard? That I'm just kinda hanging out and could easily take more math and get a job and an internship whenever. FUCK YOU! You have no idea how hard I work. Plus I doubt you could get through all the shit I've dealt with BY MYSELF, WITHOUT ANY HELP FROM FRIENDS OR ANYONE in t...

FUCK YOU! You cum guzzling gutter whore. I hope you burn in hell. All I needed was some reassurance. How many times have I sat with you and heard about stupid shit you did and helped you through it? Several. I fucked up and you said "oh, ok. well I think I'm gunna go to bed". Fuck you! You clearly d...

Yep, I'm definitely confused. And I hate it and it makes me want to not exist anymore. I want to talk to someone about it, but I dont know if I can say it aloud...

~Megan

I'm really questioning my sexuality. I want to talk to W about it cuz he is bi, but he is too distracted with his crush on E. Goddammit, I am so fucking confused... And feeling like I dont want to exist anymore.

~Megan

Fuck you. I know you have a crush on her, but does that really mean you cant talk to me anymore. And can you not take a fucking hint?? I texted you pointing out that we hadnt talked in a long time. Do you think that may mean I want to talk with you? Apparently not. I feel like an idiot because this ...

I'm scared about leaving. I have no clue how the next 2 months will go...

~Megan

W: I know that as soon as you get back you will just hang out with E, so I dont want to confide in you anymore. And you two will likely start dating and I will lose you because you will only want to hang out with her. Dammit, I miss the way it was when you actually acted like you gave a damn about m...

I'm isolating and distancing myself so it will hurt less to leave in a 3 weeks. But I'm not sure I can deal with the lack of support in the mean time...

~Megan

Sit with me? I just need you to be here right now... But you are always with E these days... I miss talking with you. And I really would like someone to talk to right now...

~Megan

I'm distancing myself from all of you. I just realized it. I dont want to leave at the end of the year. So I've put up a wall in order to stop from hurting then. I'm sorry. But it is still really hard for me to believe that all of you miss me as much as you say... I love you all for it though. ~Megan

R: I fucking live here too!! Goddamn it. The last two nights he has fucking been over and I just wanted to go to bed but I had to leave. Do you have your head so far up your ass that you cant see how depressed and sad I am? What the fuck. I'm done trying. I dont want to be here. You can go fuck your...

I just dont care right now.
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I'm not being honest with you.

I had to leave because I was so fucking uncomfortable. I hate that I cant even deal with that kind of situation. Sometimes I think that I'm just socially defective.

~Megan

I'm so sorry your mom said that. I'm not in your situation, but my mom has said similar things like that... I should have hugged you last night... I'm sorry. It will be ok. It really will, I promise. I love you no matter what. You will be able to come out eventually and it will be ok. I'm here and I...

I'm fucking terrified.

I hate this situation. I feel like I have to choose sides and I cant do that. So, can we just get along. I feel guilty because you two are in a fight over what I did. I wish I could just disappear.

~Megan

W: I'm sorry I upset you. I honestly didnt think you cared that much or were so invested in helping me. I love you and I would never want to hurt you. I feel guilty, but when you called it felt good. You should have told R it was me who was having the meltdown. She understands SI and would have help...