bus

doomed

This is a really shitty thing to ever say to anyone, but to save you a lot of pain I must: you're not strong enough to save me.

*SIGH* after again, just a few hours later what had happened just before? I was trying to buy something online, something to make myself feel better. The ad said free shipping, but that didn't work out. With shipping added to the total, I didn't have enough moneuy in my account to afford it. So tota...

My answers are very different today. I suppose that goes to show that there's no 1 reason for all of this. Nothing I can rationalize at least. what had happened just before? Nothing unusual. Woke up. Got it into my head that I need to do it. Did it. what were you thinking and feeling? I was thinking...

Treasure, your post really made me feel good... imagining a dragon as an inner protector. I'm not sure why, but that's soothing to me so I think I'll steal your strategy :) Maybe it'll make it easier to manage who I am, whether it's the vulnerable child or the fierce protector. Because a lot of the ...

Thanks for the challenges, Treasure. It really gets me thinking. You're right that 1 superhero wouldn't change my mind, but it would definitely give me the strength to carry on for a few years before I succumb again. My story is that both my parents were self-pitying weaklings who always got cheated...

DIFFERENT DAY SAME ANSWERS I just wish government workers and other officials would realize that we are human beings. No, more to the point, I wish they would realize that THEY are human beings. Today is just a replay of the last. Nothing has changed except that I got a little more violent with mys...

Just to provide some context: The reason for every one of my SI, SH, ED and SU efforts is always some interaction with a human being. Usually it's a human masquerading as emotionless authority, like a self-righteous government worker or "official" who treats me like shit because apparently that's t...

Thanks, Treasure, that helps a lot. I think I'll do exactly what you suggested: tea & hot shower (it's raining too hard for a walk). It is really difficult when I have experiences that seem to confirm my worthlessness. Unfortunately I have many of those in my near future (more dealings with governme...

After: what had happened just before? I had to argue for 45 mins on the phone with some government worker who wasn't listening to a thing I said and who treated me like some meaningless piece of paper to be filed, or thrown in the trash. what were you thinking and feeling? I was thinking that this i...

MusicalMorphine wrote:Try living in the UK, it's like the most depressing boring place ever. I went to Florida for my holiday last year, imagine how I felt when I came back to England.

I've heard of that phenomenon...
Something about a big warm yellow ball in the sky that doesn't exist in most parts of the UK

hey, the suburbs can do that to you. you think you can leave but you always go back. how did you end up living in the suburbs? Al Pacino in Godfather III: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!!!" :x I grew up in the burbs, broke away to go to college in the big city, lived in the ci...

Chicago rocks. I've never lived there, but I've visited a few times. On my last trip I even looked at apartments, picked up an application or two. I do that sometimes... look for apartments in big cities. Like no way I'll ever be able to afford it, but it's sorta like therapy I guess, telling myself...

"stagnation" "monotony" "stuck in a loop" Yup. It's nice to hear I'm not alone, though I feel bad for all of you. How do you cope? I've been watching a lot of movies, especially films with big sets, lots of people, dynamic scenery. While I'm watching the film I feel better, but the minute it's over,...

I can't take this anymore. I look out the window and see the same dreary thing every day. It's like an ugly oil painting covered with dust. I remember when I used to live in a big city. Despite all of life's troubles, at least I could count on looking out the window, watching people hurrying about, ...